


The Road To Recovery

by CooperS33



Series: The Road Series [6]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-28 07:11:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7630279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CooperS33/pseuds/CooperS33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow is in England and things happen. She finds an unlikely place to recover. Meanwhile, there are baby demons afoot! Xander is up to something and Buffy just can't stop missing Willow. Again. Why does this ache feel familiar? Ratings warning for rape mention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_August, 2002_

The plane made its final descent.  She looked out the window and noted the all too familiar lights of Los Angeles International Airport.  This was it – was what her life had come to – at least for the moment.  She swore she’d never step foot back in the States until she was through with graduate school and could come back a success with her head held high.  So much for keeping promises. 

She was jostled a little when the wheels hit the ground.  _It all looks the same_. She wasn’t sure if she was glad for that, or disappointed.  The plane taxied to the terminal and the stewardess announced that they would be de-planing any moment.

\-------------

If you blinked, you would have missed him.  He melted into the shadows so well and when he moved, you’d swear it was just the light changing and the darkness shifting.

Angel stood in the terminal, stoic expression firmly in place.  He was still going over everything Giles had told him on the phone a few days ago.  _Willow attacked.  Willow raped.  Willow hurt_. If anyone deserved any of it, then Willow was at the bottom of the list ... or not even on the list at all.  He smiled at the thought of the petite redhead.  Fond memories had flooded his mind in the days leading up to her arrival ... bad memories too.  He shook his head to try and rid himself of the thoughts of Angelus and the reign of terror he held.  The announcement came over the loud speaker that the plane had arrived and he walked briskly to the gate and waited for her.

She was one of the first to get off the plane.  Thank God for first class.  Not that she was too good for coach, but the council had spared no expense and she was grateful.  She saw him right away ... shifting from foot to foot, looking around under hooded brows.  _Same old Angel._

They noticed each other at the same moment and he stepped up to her.  “Willow.”  He offered a soft smile.

“Hi Angel.”  It was a little too perky, a little too up.  She mentally kicked herself for putting on such a high school girl tone. 

He continued to smile none the less.  “Are you ready?   We should get to baggage claim before the crowd gets too much.”  She nodded and followed him down the stairs.

\-----------

The ride to the warehouse was made in relative, comfortable silence.  Willow was thankful that Angel had picked her up – had it been Cordelia or even Wesley she would have had to take a hand full of aspirin from their non-stop talking.

“When’s your first appointment?”  Angel looked forward, concentrating on the road.

“Hmm?  Oh, late next week.  Giles thought I could use some time getting settled in.”

“Good.  That’s ... good.”  He nervously tapped on the steering wheel.  “I’m glad you’re here.  I mean it’s good ...  to see you.  It’s been a long time.”  
  
”Yeah, it has.”  She smiled a bit.   _Is Angel nervous?_

“Cordelia, um ... well, she offered to have you stay with her.  She thought you’d be more comfortable than if you stayed with me.”  
  
Willow instinctively rolled her eyes.  “Angel, that’s not ... ”  
  
”It is necessary.  We promised Giles we’d take care of you and we can’t do that with you in a hotel room.  No more discussion about it.”  
  
”But, Cordelia?”

It was Angel’s turn to roll his eyes.  “She’s different now, Willow.  She’s still Cordelia, but she’s different.  You’ll see.”

“Gee, I can’t wait.”

\----------------

Willow steadied herself as the elevator creaked and made its ascent.

“You’ll get used to it.”

“Mansions, warehouses ... have you ever heard of a house, Angel?”

He chuckled.  “It’s convenient.  I live on the top floor and the office is in the middle.  The warehouse is just space.  I don’t use it for anything.  Cordy and Wesley live within walking distance.  We’re located right in the middle of the city.”  
  
”I never thought you’d put yourself willingly in the middle of anything.”   
  
“People change.  It may have taken me over 200 years, but.”  
  
The elevator stopped and Angel pushed the cage back and led the way into his apartment.  “I thought you might want to freshen up before we headed to the office.  You must have had a long trip.  Bathroom’s down the hall.”  
  
She came back a few moments later and found Angel sitting on the couch.  He looked up at her and smiled.  “I thought only I was allowed to do the dark messenger routine.”  
  
”What?”  She looked down and laughed.  “Oh, yeah.”  She shrugged.  She was wearing black – everywhere.  Oversized long-sleeved turtleneck, jeans and sneakers.  Her hair was down and framed her face.  When she looked down, red locks almost completely covered her features.   
  
It was as if she was trying to disappear and it made Angel sad.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear so much black before.”  He said almost absentmindedly.  He noted the struck expression on her face and tried to recover.  “It looks good on you.  You’ll certainly blend in well here in L.A.”  She smiled.  _Good recovery_. “So, shall we?  Cordelia’s waiting in the office.”

\--------------

Her feet were propped up on the desk and she was filing her nails.  It was Friday night, so technically she wasn’t even supposed to be in the office, so technically she didn’t have to do any work.  Three or four bags lay on the floor, testament to her successful shopping spree that afternoon.  She loved any excuse for a shopping spree and this was no exception.

“Cordelia?”  Angel called from the front office.

“Back here.  God, what took you so long?  I’ve been waiting here forever.”  She rolled her eyes as he walked in.  Willow followed behind.  He furrowed his brow at her and she smiled.  “Well, at least ten minutes anyway.”

She looked at Willow and smiled.  “Hey, Willow.  How are you?  You look good ... good ...  .no, wait” She looked over at Angel.  “Bad, bad, bad.”  
  
Before she knew what was happening, Willow saw Angel catch Cordelia on her way to the floor.  Her eyes were squeezed closed tightly and she clung to Angel’s shoulders.  He didn’t let her go and held her head still as she convulsed.  It seemed like time stood still but in reality it was only about five seconds.

“Cordy, what did you see?”

She slumped over and rested against his chest.  “God, he couldn’t have left me a car, or money ...”  
  
”Cordelia ...”  
  
She reached out to the pad and pen on the desk.  “Go to this address.  It’s a woman, young, my age ... good fashion sense.  She’s hurt in an alley; she’s wearing a wedding ring ... she’s pregnant.  I think the husband beat her ... I saw it ... he’s not human.”  
  
Angel nodded his head.  “You gonna be okay?”  
  
”Yeah, go ... she needs you.  We’ll catch a cab.”  
  
”I’ll take the sewers.  It’s not far.  Take my car, but if I find even a scratch ... ”  
  
”Fine!  Go ... call Wesley.”  
  
He nodded his head and was out the door.

Willow stood there in shock.  She wasn’t sure what had just happened. Cordelia noticed the look on her face and tried to smile.  “Long, long story.”

“I’ll bet.”

She got up off the floor and sat in the chair.  “Can you drive?  These things really wipe me out and I don’t think I’d do either one of us any good behind a wheel.”  
  
”You don’t do anyone any good behind a wheel from what I remember.  I’ll drive.”

Cordelia opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it.  She nodded her head, grabbed her bags and they left.

\---------------

“... bathroom’s down the hall from my bedroom and the kitchen is through there.  That’s about it ...  oh, and it’s rent controlled.”  She was sitting on the couch with a wet rag across her forehead.

“I told Angel I could have stayed in a hotel.  I don’t want to put you out.”  
  
She shook her head.  “You’re not.  I could use the company anyway.”

“You’re saying that because Angel told you to.”  
  
She frowned.  “What makes you say that?  I’ll have you know I’m a different person now ...”  Willow looked over at her and Cordelia knew she wasn’t buying it.  “Okay, fine.  He offered me a bonus and two weeks’ vacation.  Happy?”

Willow’s head shot up in the direction of the kitchen.  She couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  She rubbed her eyes, but it didn’t go away.  An icepack was floating through the room straight for Cordelia. 

Without blinking, she took the icepack and placed it on her head.  She looked over at Willow and laughed.  “I, uh ... kind of have a roommate.”

“I see.”

“Phantom Dennis, this is Willow.  Now she’s an old friend from high school so you’d better be on your best behavior.  Understand?”  She was looking around the room at nothing in particular. 

A can of soda floated out of the kitchen right to Willow.  She reached up and took it.  “Um, thanks?”

“You’ll get used to him.  He came with the apartment.”

She nodded her head.  “Rent controlled.  I see.”  She ran her hands through her hair.  “I can’t believe this.”  
  
”What?”

“Just any of it.  L.A. was the last place I expected to be.  I should be working on my graduate thesis right now and I’m here staying with you, you have a ghost for a roommate and you had this seizure and act like it was nothing and since when am I an old friend from high school?”

“Slow down there, Willow.  One thing at a time.  I had a poltergeist here when I first moved in.  It was Dennis’ mother, she killed him and she was haunting anyone who rented the place.  Long story short, Angel, Doyle and I got rid of her and Dennis kind of hung around.  I like him, he takes good care of me ... he can get a little jealous when I have company, but overall he’s a good ghost, like Casper, only without the squeaky annoying voice.  The visions thing is a gift from my half-demon friend Doyle.  He was Angel’s connection to the Oracles.  The visions help Angel find people who are in trouble, supernaturally speaking of course.  Stuff you wouldn’t dare take to the police.”

 “Hmm, Sunnydale only with more lights.”  
  
”I never thought of it that way.”  
  
”Where’s Doyle?”

A sad expression crossed Cordelia’s face.  “He died about two years ago.”  
  
”I’m sorry ... I didn’t know.”  
  
”Long story short, he saved a bunch of half-demons from being killed by this band of other demons looking to wipe out all half-breeds.  Doyle was half-demon.  Before he died he kissed me and passed along this power he had ...  headaches and all.”   She shook her head.  “Thank you Doyle.”  The phone rang.  “Hello?  Now?  Fine ... you’re lucky we’re decent.”  She hung up.  “Angel’s on his way over.  He has some information that apparently can’t wait until Monday.”  She rolled her eyes and got up.  “When you get a job, make sure your boss doesn’t know where you live.”  
  
Right on cue, Angel walked through the door.  “Hey.”  
  
”Don’t you knock?”

“Sorry.”  He stood there with his hands in his trench coat, looking at the floor.

“So what’s the what?”

“You were right.  Husband did a number on her.  He’s half-demon.  She’s seven months pregnant.  I have her in a hotel across town but she’s kind of skittish so I left Wesley with her.  I need to find out more about this guy.”

“You really need to take a computer course, Angel.”  
  
Willow was watching the exchange with an amused expression on her face.  Angel looked over at her and caught it.  “What?”

“Nothing.  I just never thought I’d see the day.”  
  
Cordelia interjected.  “Believe me.  Neither did I.”  
  
A mug floated through the air and Angel grabbed it.  “Thanks Dennis.”

Willow shook her head in disbelief.  “I thought you couldn’t ...”  
  
”I can, when I want to.  But it’s blood.”  He took a sip and hummed in approval.  “Warm blood.  Thanks again.”  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes.  “Can we say, eww?  Not that his plasma supply is mingling with my pickles.  He has his own little refrigerator under the sink.  Dennis takes care of him when he comes over.”  
  
Willow stood and stretched.  “I guess nothing should surprise me ... especially after finding out you two are working together.  Hey, didn’t you say something about research?”

Angel laughed.  “Some things never change I guess.  Yeah, I have to do some digging about this guy.  The wife doesn’t know what breed he is ... she didn’t even know he was a demon.  Cordelia’s computer is linked to the one in the office.  It took us a while but we sent all the books out to be scanned and stored on a server.”

Willow clapped her hands together.  “Finally, I can feel useful.  Where is it?”

“Willow, you don’t have to do anything.  You’re here to relax.”  
  
”Angel, I’ll be fine.  I’ve been here two hours and you guys are treating me like normal.  It’s nice.  They’re all walking on egg shells around me back in England.  It was driving me batty.”

Cordelia interrupted.  “I’m going to go change then we can get to work.  Ugh, work on a Friday ...  a Friday night no less!  You’ll make this up to me, won’t you Angel?”

He smiled.  “Yes Cordelia.”  
  
She disappeared into the bedroom.

Willow turned to Angel.  “She doesn’t know, does she?”

He shook his head.  “It wasn’t my business to tell her.  Giles had to tell me but telling her, well, it’s up to you.  As far as she knows, you were burned out from your first year at Oxford and needed a break.”  
  
”Thanks.  For everything.”  
  
”Don’t mention it.”

They worked well into the night and Angel actually picked up a few pointers from Willow where the computer was concerned.  The information they found was meager at best.  Without a description of the guy in demon form, he could be anyone.  There were too many mixed breeds out there to list.  They did discover that there was a pattern to some activity that had taken place in the city for the past ten years.  Domestic abuse charges were filed by several women, all refusing to give a description of the man, or in some cases, the husband.  They were all pregnant and after the authorities were involved, he was never heard from again.  Some of the women went missing, too.

“I don’t like the way this is going.”  
  
”Why’s that Angel?”  Willow looked up at him from the keyboard.

“I think it might be the same guy in each case.  If I’m right, then he’s trying to populate the world with his own kind.”  
  
”Yuck.  He doesn’t get my vote for daddy of the year.”  Cordelia said from the couch.

 Angel stretched.  “I think that’s about all we’re gonna get for tonight.  I’m going home and going to bed.  Night ladies.  See you Monday.”  
  
”Night Angel.”  Willow barely got out before the door closed.  “He never changes.”  
  
”Yeah, at least this time we saw him leave.  You don’t know how many times I’ve been left in the office talking to myself.  It gets very irritating after the first hundred times or so but I’ve gotten used to it.”

“I think the jet lag is starting to set in.”  
  
”I’m tired myself.  Come on, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”  
  
Cordelia led the way to her room.  Willow noticed that it was very spacious and decorated in bright colors.  Cordelia’s bed was against the wall, close to the window, but not in the center of the room.  She looked to the right and noticed an oriental folding panel dividing the room ... and it looked suspiciously like ... ” Cordelia, where did you?”

“Angel arranged everything.  He remembered what the one in your room looked like and went out and bought the same exact one.  He also went out and bought a futon for you and a dresser.  He wanted you to be comfortable.  From what he tells me, you’ll be here a while.”  
  
She nodded.  “Yeah, but if I’m in your way, then ...”  
  
”You’re not in my way.  It’s fine, really.”  Cordelia smiled and Willow just shook her head.  “What?”

“I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, that’s all.  Angel wasn’t kidding when he said you were different, but still Cordelia.  The Cordelia of old would have never bunked up with me, let alone been so nice.”  
  
She had a hurt expression on her face.  “L.A. has changed me.  I’m not better or worse, just ... different.  I still have my priorities but they’ve shifted.  No one can hunt down a sale like I can and I still reign supreme in the mall but, I’ve changed.  I’m”  
  
”Different.  I like it.”  
  
They smiled at each other for a moment.  Willow brought her bags behind the screen and changed.  Cordelia did the same and they were both in bed in no time.

“Cordelia?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.  For having me, I mean.  You didn’t have to ... “  
  
”I wanted to.”  She waited a beat.  “Angel offered the bonus, but I didn’t take it.  I did take the vacation time though.  I’d be crazy to pass that up.”  
  
She chuckled.  “Good night, Cordy.”  
  
”Night, Will.”

Willow was surprised at the familiarity they’d fallen into.  She smiled and was thankful for it ... looks like strange things happened even when you don’t live on a Hellmouth.

 ---------------------

_About 200 miles away, Buffy Summers was in a fight._

“God, Xander!”  
  
”What?!”

“Can’t you think of anything else?”

“Hardly.”  He smiled the oafish smile that had gotten him out of situations like this countless times.

“Don’t even.”  Her arms crossed her chest and she chastised him with a look.  The Look.

“Now Buff, don’t give me the Slayer-eyes.  You know I get weak in the knees with the Slayer-eyes.”  His expression shifted to wounded puppy.  Suddenly he stumbled back and flopped on the couch.  “See?”  He made a grand gesture with his arms to demonstrate his point.

 “Xand ...”  She warned as she crossed the room and sat next to him.  “Men, I swear.  They only have one thing on their minds.”  
  
”If you’re referring to sex then ...”  
  
”Xander!”  She popped him with the pillow.

He held up his hands in defeat.  “Fine, fine ... don’t tell me.  See if I care.”  He crossed his arms and pouted.

She looked at him sympathetically.  “Xander, it’s just weird, that’s all.  I mean, I usually talk to Willow about these things.”  She studied her hands.  “I called her, but Giles said she was studying.  Again.  All she ever does is study ... I wonder if you can go into a coma from excessive studying?”

“You hardly have to worry about that.”  He smiled but was nailed by the pillow again.  “Ouch!  Who knew feathers could be used in hand to hand combat?  You know, come to think of it, I haven’t spoken to Will either.  I’ve gotten a few letters but, “ He shrugged.

“I know.  The Watcher council must be keeping her real busy.”  
  
”Yeah, but she’s never been too busy for her friends.  I wonder if something’s up?”  He fell into thought for a moment.  “And don’t think you’ve gotten out if it by changing the subject either.”  
  
”Okay, fine.  Torture me with a hot poker why don’t you?”  She saw the look on his face.  “Don’t even go there.”  She warned.  They settled down.  “It was ... nice to see him again, and strange.  It’s been a long time.”

“But you were alright with it?”  He shifted from clown to concerned friend-mode.

“Yeah, it was alright, I was alright.  We had coffee and talked, that’s all.  He’s only in town for a few weeks.  He had some loose ends to tied up.  Apparently they’re shutting down the compound, but I didn’t pump him for information.”

“Well it’s about time.  Those commando guys really creeped me out.  Especially him.  I didn’t trust him to begin with.”  
  
”Riley was okay.  Well, other than not believing me about Professor Walsh in the beginning and doubting everything our relationship was built on.”  She glanced over at Xander’s unbelieving look.  “He turned out to be okay, Xand.  You know that as well as I do.”  
  
”I know, I know.  I still have a hard time trusting the guy.”  
  
”So something’s come up.  A final project or something and he asked me to help out.”  
  
He arched his eyebrows.  “And you had an incredible moment of clarity and turned him down flat?”

“Not exactly.”  
  
”Buffy.”

“Xander, I owe it to him.  He’s helped me out too you know.”  
  
”You’re not doing it unless I get to be involved too.”  
  
”Xand ...”  
  
”Nope, I’m not budging on this one.  I don’t want you alone with him.  He’s got shifty eyes.”  
  
She laughed.  “Actually, he mentioned that you could help.  He brought it up.”  
  
He tried to hide the surprise from him voice.  “Really?”

“Yes really.  He knows our situation and he figured he’d invite you before you got all postal and invited yourself.”  
  
”I don’t go postal.  Overprotective, maybe.  Suspicious, definitely ... especially when it comes to the Buffster and mysterious men from the past.” 

 “We’ll meet him for coffee tomorrow at the Espresso Pump.  He’ll tell us everything then.  In the meantime, I’m going to bed.”  She rose from the couch and gave a little yawn.  “You staying up?”

He got up too.  “Nah, I’m wiped out.”  
  
”Yeah, I can see how watching TV all day can really tire a person out.”  
  
”You strike me!”  
  
”You’re lucky I don’t strike you ... now come on.  Walk me to my room and don’t forget to turn out the lights.”  
  
They walked down the narrow hallway together, stopping at the first door.  Buffy reached up and tousled his hair.  He leaned down and she planted a kiss on his forehead.  “Night Xand.”  
  
He smiled at her before she closed the door.  “Night roomy.”  Then he made his way to the next door and closed it behind him.

 

\-----------


	2. Chapter 2

_Running.  Running, and running and more running.  Sweat poured down her forehead and she wiped it away with her sleeve.  As she brought her arm down, she noticed the crimson color left on the back of her hand and thought that sweat wasn’t supposed to be that color._

_Footsteps.  Three, maybe four sets of them.  Her eyes darted about her, looking for someplace, anyplace to hide or crawl into until this was over.  They were close ... so close she could hear their whispering.  She pressed herself up against the wall and cursed silently when she looked down and noticed her coat was gone and the light was illuminating her white blouse like a beacon on a lighthouse._

_They came close and passed.  She could smell them.  Smell the death lingering on their clothes.  If she got out of this alive she knew she’d never forget that smell._

_Two hands grabbed her and she struggled, tried to break free but it was no use.  He’d found her and there was nowhere left to run.  She defiantly looked into his steely blue eyes and found no remorse, no hesitation ...  She spit in his face and it only made him laugh._

_Suddenly she was thrown to the ground.  Absentmindedly she thought about how the stains would never come out of her jeans and she’d have to throw them away.  God!  The things you think about when fighting for your life, your dignity.  She tried to scream, but no sound came out.  She was horrified and terrified and prayed to any Gods that would listen that if she got out of this alive then she’d do her research and put her clothes away and listen to the professors and everything else a good little Watcher in training was supposed to do._

_He was on top of her, shaking her.  He had a death grip on her shoulders and shook her so hard she almost lost consciousness.  She screamed and screamed and screamed ...  on the inside._

“Willow, wake up.”

She’d been tossing and turning for at least ten minutes now.  A thick sheen of sweat covered her face.  Cordelia was shaking her, trying to get her to wake up but so far it was no use. Suddenly she shot up in bed.  “No!  Stop!  Don’t!”

“Willow, it’s me ... Cordelia.  Are you Okay?”  She touched her shoulder and Willow’s eyes shot to the brunette in front of her.

“Okay?”  She mimicked back.  “Where am I?”  She looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings.

Cordelia rubbed her shoulder, the worry was apparent in her face.  “Will.  You’re in my apartment.  Are you okay?”  She leaned forward and placed her head on Cordelia’s shoulder.   Awkwardly, Cordelia reached up and rubbed her back.  “Willow, what is it?”

She was silent for a few moments.  She gathered her bearings and realized where she was and who’s arms were around her.  She jerked back.  “Sorry.  Bad dream.  Really, really bad dream.”  She was embarrassed by the display.  “I didn’t mean to ... I didn’t mean to put you in a bad position I’m sorry not that it was a bad position but it’s just I didn’t mean to freak you out and the dream was bad, bad dream and I didn’t scare you did I?”  _God, around Cordelia for less than twenty-four hours and you’re already in high school babble mode.  Nice Rosenberg, real nice_. She ran one hand through her hair and noticed how sweaty she was and made a face.

“It’s fine, Willow, really.  I’m not going to come at you with a ripping comment or sly remark.  We all have bad dreams.”  She offered a smile.  “Dennis made us breakfast.  Why don’t you hop in the shower and freshen up?”  She got up off the bed and walked away.  She turned back a moment.  “I get all yucked up and sweaty when I have nightmares too.  You’ll feel better, I promise.”

Willow was standing in the shower with the water on as hot as her skin could stand it.  She was still having some trouble wrapping herself around the new Cordelia.  Angel was right, she was still Cordelia but different.  It was like she was de-thorned or de-clawed ... or something like that.  She rinsed off the last of the soap, stepped out and toweled off.  She was running through the dream again in her mind.  The training she’d received in the past year had taught her to be more analytical of everything, even things she took personally.  Each time she had the nightmare, she remembered more and more of the encounter, the attack.  She shuddered a little then shook it off as she pulled her pajamas back on.  For now, she’d put it out of her mind.  She’d have no choice but to think about it soon enough.

Cordelia was sitting at the kitchen table and syrup had just floated over to the table.  “Thanks.”  She continued to read the paper.

Willow sat down.  “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”  
  
”Dennis?  You will.  He’s a great roommate.  A little jealous at times, but great over all.”  She smiled at nothing in particular.  A warm breeze passed by both of them.  “Sorry, Dennis ... I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”  
  
Willow smiled to herself and they ate breakfast in compatible silence.   They both finished and were reading the paper, slowly sipping the coffee that had been served to them moments before.  Willow looked up at her.  “You know ... had I said I’d be having breakfast with Cordelia Chase in L.A. with her ghost roommate a year ago, I would have been committed.”  
  
She smiled and looked up from her paper.  “Tell me about it.  When I graduated high school I never would have guessed I’d be working for Angel.  Now look at me, office gal with her dead boss the vampire.”

They loaded up the dishwasher together.  After that, Cordelia decided that Willow needed to be shown around L.A. properly.  Willow protested a bit but Queen C won out and sent her to their room to change.

KNOCK, KNOCK. 

Cordelia opened the door.  “Angel?”  
  
”Hey.”  He walked in past her and stood in the middle of the room.  “Where’s Willow?”

“Changing and I thought you avoided mornings ... I know how you are in the morning plus the whole sun factor.”  
  
”It’s important.  We have a situation.”

“The woman last night?”

Willow emerged from the bedroom.  “Good morning, Angel.”  She smiled but still found it peculiar to see him at this hour.

“I need your help with something.  This case is getting stranger and stranger by the minute.  What can you tell me about The Initiative?”

Her mouth opened but no sound came out.  She gathered up all the thoughts that flooded her mind and tried to form sentences.  “The Initiative?” 

“Apparently it’s some covert military operation designed by the government to capture demons, vampires, imps ... you name it they take them in alive.”

“I know.  They’re based in Sunnydale.”  She still couldn’t believe this conversation.

“The woman I found last night ... her husband wasn’t the one that worked her over.  It was the Initiative.  They tried to kill her and the baby.  The husband fought them off and was hurt pretty badly himself.  He’s at the hotel with her now.  He was trying to get them to safety when the clan discovered where they were.  To top it off, he says that this Initiative is after them for research.”  
  
”I remember.  They catch them, but don’t kill them.  They take them to a laboratory and study them, to find out what makes them tick.  Generally, they just do tests, it doesn’t sound like the Initiative to try and kill them.  Are you sure it’s them?”

“Positive.  This guys’ clan, the Badahu demons, they’re peaceful.  He’s just trying to earn an honest living and raise his family.  They’ve been moving around for the past year and a half with the Initiative on their tails.”

“Just like with Doyle ... but with camouflage?”  Cordelia spoke to no one in particular.

Angel nodded his head sadly.  “Yeah.  Anyway, they’re safe now, but I can’t guarantee for how long.  Before you say it, Cordelia, it has nothing to do with the Scourge.  This is completely government run.”

Willow cut in.  “Riley.”  
  
Angel turned to her.  “Who?”

“Riley.  Riley Finn.  He went to College with Buffy and I.  He was an agent for the Initiative.  If anyone would have information it would be him.”  
  
”How do we track him down?”

“We don’t.  After college he took over the operation.  As far as I know he’s still in ...”  She stopped herself and looked at him apologetically.

He caught on.  “Sunnydale.”  She nodded.  “So, I guess we’re in for a road trip.”

Willow shook her head.  “Angel, I can’t.  No one knows I’m here, not even Buffy.”

“Don’t worry about it, Willow.  She won’t see you, I promise.  I was stealth guy during that whole Indian incident a few years ago.  Remember?”

“I remember Xander seeing you and spilling everything.”    
  
“They won’t see you, I promise.  I know you’re here for yourself and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”  
  
She cut him off.  “I know.”  She paced a bit then stopped in front of him.  “So who’ll take the first driving shift?”

\-----------------

“... So you’re killing them now?”  Xander took another sip of his espresso.

“Well, not exactly.  They’re not exactly HST’s.”  He was having trouble explaining without giving too much away.

Buffy looked over to him.  “So what exactly are they, Riley?  And how exactly are you not killing them?”  She knew him well enough that he wasn’t giving them the information freely.

“Look, demons ... the Initiative has always been able to handle them.  We leave the humans to the public authorities but this is ... different.”

“Again, how is it different and why are you being cryptic about it?”  Xander had just about had it.  They’d been talking in circles for about an hour and were getting nowhere.

“That’s classified.”  
  
“Your being cryptic is now suddenly classified information?”  He shook his head and got up.  “Come on, Buffy, this guy doesn’t really want our help.”  
  
”No, wait.”  Riley rose too.  “I, I want to tell you, but ...”  He looked around suspiciously.  “Fine.  Come on.  It would be better if I showed you.”  
  
Buffy and Xander looked at each other for a moment then got up and followed him.  The walk to campus was short.  Buffy and Riley walked it almost instinctively having gone there for four years.  They arrived at the house and walked through to the mirror.  Riley had his retinal scan approved and they got in the elevator.

“Gee, I have not so fond memories of this place.”  Buffy made a face.

Riley looked over at her.  “Sorry.  It’s the only way.”

They got out and Riley led them over to a door.  He swiped his card and held it open for them.  They walked through a corridor to a small room.  Inside, there were about six or seven scientists looking into another room through a large window.  Riley pointed to it.  “We can see them; they can’t see us.”  
  
”Has that whole interrogation room feel to it.  Scary, antiseptic interrogation room.”  
  
Buffy poked him.  “Shh, Xander.”  She turned her attention to Riley.  “What’s going on?”  
  
”Well, at first glance, it would appear that we’re about to witness a woman giving birth.”  
  
”Cool.”  Xander got out before he got poked again.

“It is a woman giving birth, but with a twist.  She’s being used as a containment for a small HST.”  Buffy looked at him confused.  “Basically she had sex with a demon and is giving birth to its spawn.”  
  
”Eww!”  She covered her mouth with her hand but not before receiving looks from the other people in the room.  She whispered to Riley.  “Why would a human want to have sex with a demon?  That’s ... so not natural.”  Xander cleared his throat and she shot him a look.  He gave her that ‘I know what you know’ look and it dawned on her.  _Angel_. She gave him a sheepish grin and turned back to Riley.  “So what’s the what?  Why do you need us?”

“Fortunately, these things haven’t been procreating for very long.  We’ve discovered that the incubation period is the same as a human child.  If the spawn is taken away from the human mother, it dies within five hours, probably from lack of nourishment.”  He pointed to the window where they were beginning the procedure.  “The woman is under anesthesia, the spawn is taken by caesarian section and brought to a confined area.  It’s left there until all signs of life have diminished totally.”   He stopped speaking as the small demon was lifted out of the woman.  “It’s in true form when it’s born ... demon form.  It doesn’t have the ability or knowledge to change until its reached puberty.  The woman will be taken to another room where the memory of all this will be stripped away.  As far as she’ll know, she’s been in a state of amnesia for the past year.  We’ll help her recover and send her on her way.”  The mini-demon was taken out of the room.  He turned back to Buffy and Xander.  “We need your help to track the males.  As far as our research tells us, it’s only one breed of demon that’s doing this.  We’ve had little success so far because it’s very difficult for us to go out in civilian clothes and be ready for an attack by the male.  I thought that if you helped, you could track it and we could do the rest.”

“Sound’s easy enough.”  Buffy commented and looked at Xander.

“I don’t know, Buff.  I don’t like the fact that this gets you back in the middle of commando land.”

“She won’t be in the middle of it.  All she has to do is find out where the males are dwelling and we’ll do the rest.  In and out, nice and clean.”  He tried for a reassuring tone.

“Not without me.”  Xander said levelly.

Riley shook his head.  “Not without you.  That’s why you’re here.”  
  
Xander looked at Riley then back to Buffy.  “I don’t see why we can’t do a little re-con.  I’ve been bored lately.  What do you say, Buffy?”

She looked up at Riley.  “I think you’ve got yourself two trackers, Agent.”

“Great.  We’ll head to the debriefing room and tell you what we have so far.”  Riley led the way out of the room to a larger conference room and began to tell them the plan.

\--------------

“Ugh, are we there yet?”

Angel smiled.  “What’s wrong, Cordelia?  Did you forget exactly how far from Sunnydale we were?”  He gave her an amused look.   She was anything but amused.  “Ten minutes, tops ... dear.”

“Thanks dad.”  She rolled her eyes and turned to Willow in the back seat.  “Can you believe this guy.  Give him a soul and suddenly he’s the world’s best un-dead comedian.”  
  
She laughed.  “You wanted to drive first.  I told you you’d be bored.”  
  
She tried to glare, but it came off as being amused.  “And thanks to you too, mom.”

Angel looked at Willow through the rear view mirror and gave her a wink.  She shook her head at him.  _The cryptic avenger thinks he’s funny_.

They pulled up to the warehouse and got out of the car with a sigh.  They’d made it to Sunnydale in record time and there was plenty of time to relax and get a good night’s sleep before starting in on the Initiative tomorrow. 

Willow sighed as she and Cordelia followed Angel to the side entrance.  He looked back at her and smiled.  “I know, I know ... mansions and warehouses.”  He shrugged.  “I’m a creature of habit I guess.  Don’t worry little one, we have all the comforts of home here.”  He gave her another glance and opened the door.

Angel’s old apartment.  It was odd for him to be back.  Hell, it was odd to be back in Sunnydale overall.  He’d have to be very careful this time and make sure he wasn’t caught by Buffy or Xander.  They couldn’t know the three of them were in town and the sooner they got the information they needed, and got out, the better.  He leaned against the wall and watched Cordelia and Willow put their things in the cabinets and refrigerator.  From the disgusted sound Cordelia made, he figured she’d found the blood packets hanging in there.  “I had one of my men come by and stock me up for a few days.  Sorry there isn’t a separate refrigerator.”  
  
She wrinkled her nose at him. “At least it’s only for a few days.  I guess I’ll make it through.”  Willow chuckled behind her.  In a very Cordeliaesque manner, she turned on her heel, put her hands on her hips and cocked her head.  “And what do you find so funny, Red?”

She shook her head but couldn’t suppress a laugh.  “Just look at us.  Angel, brooding in the corner, you trying not to touch the packets of blood while stocking his refrigerator with your diet coke and me putting my Oreo cookies in the cabinet.  A souled vampire, a hacker and Queen C herself.  God, what a motley crew.”  She turned around and put some cans of soup on the bottom shelf muttering something about it happening only on the Hellmouth.  
  
Angel and Cordelia looked at each other and laughed.  He walked over to her.  “Here, let me.”  
  
”Finally, the vampire gets some manners.”  She flipped her hair and walked over to the couch.

He was still smirking when he noticed that he was being watched.  He turned to her.  “What?”

“Nothing.  You should smile more often.  It suits you.”

Cordelia called over from the couch.  “Don’t let him fool you, Red.  He can be a barrel of laughs when he wants to be.”  
  
She shook her head at him.  “I knew the cryptic, tortured routine was just an act.”  He crept up to her with a serious look on his face.  She immediately got concerned.  “Angel, what is it?”

He bent down and whispered in her ear.  “Shh ... it’s our secret.”

She punched him in the shoulder.  “You!   I can’t believe you.  You had me worried there for a minute.”  She crossed her arms and pouted.

He grabbed his arm and feigned injury.  “You’ve got some right hook there, little one.  Anyone ever tell you that?”

Cordelia walked over and broke it up.  “Alright you two.  Don’t you think it’s time we get some shut eye?  I swear if I don’t get eight hours sleep I’ll get bags under my eyes and …”  
  
”It’ll be all your fault.”  Angel and Willow said in unison.  They looked at each other and managed not to laugh.

“Fine.  You two jokesters stay here and play stand up all night.  I’m going to bed.”  She walked away but then turned back, confused.  “Um, Angel ... where exactly is bed?”

“There’s only one and it’s in the back.  Now before you say anything, I’ll ride the couch and you two ladies can have it.  Its queen sized so you’ll be very comfortable I’m sure.”  
  
Willow put her hands up.  “Hey, I’m not complaining, are you complaining?”  She looked at Cordelia.

She smiled at him.  “No complaints here.  Hope you and your leather couch have a very nice evening together.” 

The two girls headed off to the bedroom and Angel changed and laid down.  He actually found it to be pretty comfortable.  He knew he’d slept in worse places than this.  After a few minutes, a pile of cloth was heaped on top of him.  It was Cordelia.  “Two pillows and a blanket.  Don’t say I’ve never given you anything.”  
  
”Why thank you for sharing my pillows and blankets with me, Cordy.  What ever would I do without you?”  He looked her straight in the eye.

 She walked away shaking her head.  “Vampires.  I swear if I ever …”  The rest of  her thought was lost behind the now closed door.


	3. Chapter 3

“... it’ll be too soon.”

Willow poked her head out from the bathroom.  “What?”

“Nothing.  Angel’s just being Angel again.”  She changed her clothes and stood next to the bed.

Willow came out of the bathroom and stood next to her.  “Something wrong?”

“No.  I always figured him for satin sheets.”

“I don’t know.  I always thought of him as a 100% cotton man myself.”  
  
”Yeah.  I never would have guessed.”  
  
”Plaid.”  Willow shook her head.  “I think I’m getting less and less surprised the more time I spend with you two.”  She walked away and got into what she designated her side of the bed.

Cordelia climbed in at the same time and they both stiffened.  “Whoa.”

“Stop the ride I wanna get off.”

“Water-bed.  Leave it to Angel.”  
  
Willow chuckled.  “Now that’s something I’d figure him for.”  
  
”If we don’t move too much I think I can brave the sea.  How about you?”  She looked over in Willow’s direction.

“It’s kind of nice, actually.  I’ve never slept in a water-bed before.  It’s sort of billowy ...”  She shifted and laid on her side sending a small wave to Cordelia then it came back to her.  “... or not.  Maybe choppy is a better word.”  She frowned and looked over at the brunette.  “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.  I think I’m starting to get my sea legs.”  
  
”So how do you like working for Angel?  Really.”  
  
”It’s not bad.  The pay could be higher and the danger could be lower ... but overall I’d say it’s okay ... and if I’m late he can’t fire me because I know too much.  He’s not too bad on the eyes either and don’t ever tell him I said that.”  
  
Willow laughed.  “I won’t.  I’m glad you two found each other ...  to work with I mean.  You seem to have a great relationship, not that it was bad before or that you had any relationship with Angel before, well, other than the platonic kind, but even then you weren’t too fond of him and somebody shut me up please.”  She shook her head.  _Babble mode ... I’m cursed!_  
  
Cordelia smiled.  “Nice to see some things don’t change.”

“What? I can still babble myself into a hole in front of you?”  It came out meaner than she’d expected it to and regretted her tone.

“No ... that your still so observant.  That’s all I meant.”

She hurt her and knew it.  “Cordelia, I’m sorry.”  
  
”It’s okay.”  She paused a moment.  “I have changed you know.”

“I know and I even said that to you.  Old habits die hard.”  
  
”Don’t get me wrong, I can still be as bitchy as ever.  I just know who to use it on now and choose my targets more wisely.”  
  
_Ouch_. Willow reached out and touched her shoulder.  “I’m sorry.  Really.”

Cordelia turned to her.  “And you’ve changed too.  I can tell.”  
  
”What’s so different about me?”

She thought for a moment.  “Your eyes.”

“What?”

“Your eyes.  You look, I don’t know ... older I guess.  Like you’ve seen a lot more that you should have.”  
  
”I think we’ve all seen more than we should have.”  
  
”But it’s different with you.  I saw Xander last year and he never changes.  Still has that stupid grin plastered across his face and doesn’t have a care in the world.  I look into your eyes and they’re sadder and older than I remember.”

Willow was a little confused.  “There’s a time when you can remember looking into my eyes?  I didn’t think you ever noticed me ... other than to pick on I mean.”

“Hey, I noticed.  When you were in the hospital because of, well, the mean guy that is so not Angel anymore.  With all you’d been through you still had that, I don’t know, innocent look in your eyes.  I think we all did.”

“Cordy, that was Junior year.”   Willow was shocked at the revelation.

“Yup.  It was all so much simpler then.  You had Oz, I had Xander.   Then we all had to go and grow up ... and apart.”  
  
”If I had any doubts about you changing before, I don’t now.  I never took you as a sentimental person.  Ever.”  
  
”I have layers ... Who I choose to show my layers to is a different story.”  
  
Willow smiled.  “Well, let me be the first to thank you for your layers.  You keep surprising me like this and I’ll be shock-resistant by the time I get back to England.”  She sighed.  That was a long way off and she knew it.  A long way.

“Something wrong?”

“No.  Just … England.” She finished in a whisper.

“Do you miss it?  Who am I kidding, of course you do ... it’s so beautiful there.”

Willow was hardly thinking of England as a beautiful place right then.  “It can be.  I was studying so much I barely had time to notice though.  I guess it’s for the best.  I don’t know what I’m missing.”  She was absentmindedly rubbing Cordelia’s shoulder.  Neither one of them said anything but they both noticed.

“Willow, did something ... did something happen to you in England?”

She let out a heavy sigh.  “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Then why are you with Angel and me instead of Buffy and Xander?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.  Giles suggested it and I didn’t argue.  Buffy’s got the Slayer thing going on full tilt and from what she tells me, Xander’s life is still up in the air.  So when he said I should come here I agreed.  If I’m safe anywhere, it’s with Angel.”

“There’s something you need to be safe from?”

“Mmm, you catch on quick.”

“I’m sorry.  You probably don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
”Not really, but if I do it’s nice to know you’re willing to listen.”

Cordelia reached over and put her hand on Willows.  “That’s what friends are for.  Right?”

She smiled.  “Friends.”  She dropped her eyes to their hands.  “I like the ... sound of that.”

“Me too.”  Cordelia’s eyes followed Willow’s.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean …”  
  
”No, it’s okay, I mean ...”  
  
”Sorry.”  They both said it at once and laughed.  Cordelia pulled her hand away first and stifled a yawn.  “Look at what time it is.  We’d better get to sleep.”  
  
Willow laid down and snuggled into the pillow.  “Yeah, we all know how you can be without your beauty sleep.”  
  
”I’ll take that as a friendly comment, Red.”  
  
”Goodnight, Cordy.”  
  
”Night, Willow.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Anything?”

“Nothing.  I think we’ve got a big fat goose egg with this one, Buff.”

Riley’s voice came over the earpiece.  “Then that’s it guys.  Why don’t we wrap it up and head home?”  
  
”Can’t.  I have to do a quick sweep before I head back.  Vampires wait for no one.”  
  
Riley laughed.  _Always the Slayer_. “Suit yourself.  I’m tired and heading in.  Finn over and out.”  
  
He waited a moment and spoke.  “You there, Buff?”

“Yeah, is he gone?”

Xander looked over to where he saw Riley last.  “I think so.  I’m on the other side.  Come on over.”  
  
”Be right there.”  She removed the earpiece and put it in her pocket.  She walked up next to him.  “So what do we have?”

He knelt down and poked the ground with a stick.  “An hour, tops.  It’s still warm.”  
  
She nodded.  “Good, Xand.  I knew that whole changing into your costume thing would prove to be useful.”

He stood.  “I aim to please.  From what I can make out they’re headed north ... deeper into the woods.  Who can blame them with us and the commando boys on their trail.”

“I don’t think Riley’s telling us everything.”  
  
”Finally, a breakthrough!”  He raised his hands skyward.  “Remind me again why you don’t listen to me more often?”

“Xander, shh.  He could still be around ... doing that lurking thing.”  
  
He shook his head.  “You and the creepy lurking guys, Buff.  I swear ...”  
  
”Don’t finish that sentence, Harris.  Come on, we’ll talk more at home.”

She stopped short a moment and looked around suspiciously. 

“Spidey sense kicking in?”

“Maybe, or it could be my overactive imagination.  Tracking demons, who’d a thought.”  She shook her head and continued on. They walked off talking about the nights’ events. 

He stepped out from behind the tree when he knew they were far enough.  Kneeling down, he felt the earth where Xander had been moments before.  _Boy’s right.  An hour at best ... and they’re headed north_. 

He stood up and shook his head, quietly laughing to himself.  Never underestimate Xander Harris, no matter how irritating he is.  Behind the boyish grin was someone to be reckoned with and Angel knew as much.  He had a set on him, a big set, and he always pulled through in a pinch ... even if it did almost get him killed a few times.

Angel knew there was nothing left for him to do then.  He headed back to the apartment, lost in thought.  He’d caught more than a glance at Buffy.  She looked good, healthy.  What else could she be now that he was gone?  Their love was the best and worst thing that had ever happened ... to either one of them.  He walked in the door and placed his keys on the table.  Turning around, he found a set of eyes on him.  “Cordy?  What are you doing up?”

“I could say the same thing to you.  You saw her, didn’t you?”

“What?  No, why would I?  That’s not why we’re here.”

“Because you have that wounded bird look again.  You only look like your wings have been clipped after you see her.”

He shook his head.  “I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse.”  
  
”What’s that?”

He looked down at her seriously.  “How well you know me.”

She smiled sadly.  “So what did you find?”

“The Initiative has recruited Buffy and Xander to track the demons.  As well as I can figure out they can’t do it alone, during the day.  There’s too big a risk of coming up against the demons unprepared.  Buffy and Xander are needed to pinpoint the demons’ location then the Initiative will take it from there.”  
  
”Do they know what they’re in for?”

“You know Xander.”

“Suspicious of any male showing interest in Buffy or Willow for that matter.”

Angel nodded.  “He knows and so does Buffy.  They don’t trust this guy or the entire operation.  Riley I think his name is.  Riley Finn.  She seemed familiar with him, like she’s known him for a long time, but she still doesn’t trust him.  I can feel it.”

“Angel, get over it.”  
  
”I have Cordelia, a while ago.  Something about this guy just ...”  
  
”Bugs you?”

“Yeah, I can’t put my finger on it.”  
  
”Well, you can do the tortured soul routine solo tonight.  I’m going back to bed.”  She turned and headed for the bedroom.

“Thank you, Cordelia.  What would I ever do without your ...”  The door shut.  “... perspective.”  He shook his head.  _She knows me too well.  It’s ... it feels good_.

\----------

_He was on top of her, shaking her.  He had a death grip on her shoulders and shook her so hard she almost lost consciousness.  She screamed and screamed and screamed ...  on the inside._

_On the outside she wasn’t revealing anything.  She was still reeling from the evening’s events.  She couldn’t believe him; couldn’t believe he’d changed.  He was a demon. Now this demon she’d once called friend, almost called lover, was striking her across the face.  Hard.  This demon she came to trust, confide in ... stole kisses from in empty hallways.  She couldn’t believe it._

_She smelled them before she saw them.  That smell.  Two vampires came up and held her by the arms and two others took her legs and pinned them down.  She struggled but knew it was no use.  It was one against five and she had the short end of the stick._

_She heard the sound.  Flesh being split.  She heard it before she felt it ... she wasn’t sure she was able to feel anything.  They were feeding off of her, trying to keep her weak.  She struggled even harder and began to scream.  She actually thought sound had come out of her throat ... she hoped._

“Will!”

Her eyes opened wide.  She was breathing heavily and felt the sweat drip down her forehead.  She knew where she was and fought to catch her breath.  “I’m okay.  Give me a second.”  
  
Cordelia got up and came back with a wet washcloth.  She slowly placed it on Willow’s head so as not to startle her.

She closed her eyes with some relief.  “Thanks.”

Carefully, she smoothed the hair away from her face.  Whatever this was, it was something big.  After growing up on the Hellmouth, not even Cordelia could remember having nightmares like this.  “You okay?”

“Fine.”  She sat up and gave a weak smile.  “Sorry you had to see that.”  
  
”It looked bad.  Worse than the other one.” 

Willow nodded her head.  “It gets worse every time ...”  She rubbed her temples.  “So do the headaches.  Can you get me the bottle of pills out of my bag?”

Cordelia nodded and walked over to the bag.  After rifling through a bit she found it.  “Xanax?”  She looked over and Willow nodded.  “Nerve calmer to the stars.”  She handed her the bottle.

“What?”  She took two of them and tossed them back.

“No water?”  She shook her head.  “Xanax ... a lot of people I’ve auditioned with take it before they read for a director.  They said it calms their nerves.”  
  
”It does.  Believe me.”  She smiled and laid back against the pillows.  “I’m sorry, Cordy, you shouldn’t have to ...”  
  
”I don’t have to.  Get it?”  She smiled down at her.

Willow looked up, thankful.  “Yes, ma’am.”

“Hungry?  I’ve got Krispy Kreme’s ...”  She said in a sing-song voice.  She headed out the door to the kitchen.  
  
”You didn’t.  How did you get out and back without Xander spotting you?  He’s there every Sunday like clockwork right when they come out of the oven.”  She brought over a plate and Willow took one.  They were still warm.  “You are so the goddess!  He didn’t see you, did he?”

“No.  I used the back door.  I dated the front counter guy in high school.  Only back then he was Sunnydale’s front runner for All-American third year in a row.  Go figure.  The places we find ourselves.”  She sat down on the bed again.  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She nodded.  “Fine.  I have an appointment with a therapist next week ... big fun.”  She rolled her eyes.

“So you’re here to get your head shrunk, not just to relax.”  Cordelia was beginning to put the pieces together.

“In a way I am relaxing.  I think I’m one of the only people I know of that finds research relaxing.”  She smiled and was almost feeling better.

“I’d have to agree.  Only you could find comfort in the demon section of the library.”  Cordelia smiled, but noticed that Willow had a stricken look on her face.  “Did I say something wrong?”

She shook her head.  “No.  Where’s Angel?”

_Change of subject.  Okay_. “He went out late last night to investigate some stuff.  I guess he left early this morning too.  I didn’t see him when I got up.  With the office being open during the day, he kind of keeps human hours now.”  She reached down and pushed a hair away from her forehead.  “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Un uh.  Bad dream thoughts.  You don’t wanna buy those.  You wouldn’t get your money’s worth.”    
  
“Ha, ha.  I’m serious, Will.  These ears were made for listening.”

Trusting Cordelia.  She figured that stranger things have happened.  “I was attacked in England. It was … really bad.  Giles and the council sent me her so I could get help.  The therapist I’m going to next week is supposed to be the best hands down.  They want me better quick so I can get on with my studies ... and Giles just wants me better.”  She looked down at her hands.  It was a very abbreviated version of the truth, but the truth none the less.

“That’s what the nightmares are about?”  Willow nodded.  “Was it like Angelus bad or more Jack the Ripper bad?”

She thought for a moment.  “Both.  But worse.  I don’t think Angelus could ever do to me what ... they did.” 

“They?”  Again Willow nodded.  “How many?” 

“Five.  Four vampires and a shape-shifting demon.  The demon, I ... we thought he was a novice Watcher, like me, but ...”  
  
Cordelia realized the implications of her words.  She didn’t know what to say, they were both on the edge of tears.  God, to go through that, to go through it and remember everything and have it done to you by someone you thought you could trust no less.  She did the only thing she could think of, she leaned down to the redhead who looked so tiny under the comforter and hugged her.

Willow stiffened at first.  Hugging Cordelia was new.  Geez, everything was new in the past forty-eight hours.  Trusting Cordelia, talking to Cordelia like a friend.  She liked it.  She liked the girl in front of her, liked the way she smelled, _like home somehow_ , the way they could talk seriously and kid around too.  She relaxed and put her arms around her more tightly.  She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this safe this ... okay.  Feeling okay in and of itself was new for Willow too.  She’d been skittish and tense for so long. 

“Am I interrupting?”  Angels voice was soft from the door.

Willow looked up.  “No.  Just some bonding.”  
  
Cordelia let go and sat up.  Willow gave a little pout but let her go.  “Yeah, girl bonding.”  She turned to Angel.  “It’s fun ... you should try it.”

He smiled.  “I think I’ll pass ... for now.”  He walked into the room.  “So are you two going to stay in bed all day?  There’s work to be done.”  He looked down at them with a smirk.

“But, dad, I’m on vacation.”  Willow said in her best whinny voice.

He chuckled.  “Okay, you got me.  I have some research that needs to be done.  You’ll both be better off staying indoors anyway.  I don’t need Xander or Buffy seeing you.”  They gave him a look.  “Or me.”  He added. He looked at the nightstand.  “Although, if those are Krispy Kremes I see there then someone’s already gone out and tried to blow their cover.”  He looked accusingly at Cordelia.

“Guilty.  I couldn’t help it.  They were warm and gooey and I wasn’t caught.  I promise.”  She smiled at him.

He sighed and nodded his head.  “Okay you two.  Computer is in the den.  It’s not as good as the one Cordy has at home or in the office, but it’ll do for now.   Willow, do you think you could link up to the office in L.A.?”  
  
”Sure, no problem.  I can do it with my eyes closed.”  She smiled at him.

He turned and started to walk away.  “I should know better.  Never doubt the redheads.”

\-------------

“Buffy ...”  Xander was knocking on her door for the third time in ten minutes.  “Come on, they’re gonna get cold.”  
  
She immerged from her room and pushed him out of the way making a beeline for the bathroom.  After she closed the door, he rubbed his stomach.  _Slayers ... now that’s gonna leave a mark_.  He sat down in the living room and turned on Sunday morning cartoons.

She came out of the bathroom and flopped down on the couch.  Without looking, he reached for a donut and handed it to her outstretched hand.  This was a familiar routine for them on Sunday’s.  Donuts, waking Buffy up, cartoons, coffee and talk.

“Xand, we gotta find you a new line of work.”  
  
”Whada ya mean, Buff?”  He said with a mouthful of donut. 

She made a face at him.  “If you could get a job that you’d get up for the way you get up for these donuts, you’d be set.  Do you realize ever since we moved in together you’ve involved me in your sugary little ritual?  At, ” She looked at her watch.  “9am no less!”  She took a big bite of the donut and glared at him.

“It’s just another Xander Harris tradition.  One that I was so kind and friendly like to let you in on.”  He reached for her donut.  “Now if you’d like to be uninitiated, then ...”  She promptly slapped his hand away and took another bite.  He smiled.  “I didn’t think so.”

When the coffee was done, Xander got up and served them.  They sat watching cartoons for a while then Buffy had an idea.  “Hey, I’ll bet Willow is in her room today.  It’s Sunday ... she can’t be studying.  Even God took a rest.”

Xander looked over at her.  “It’s worth a try.”  He handed her the phone.  “Here.”  
  
Buffy dialed.  And dialed, and dialed.  “These international numbers give me a headache.  Why can’t they have just eleven numbers like the rest of us?”  It rang.  “Hello?  Rupert Giles’ please.  Thanks ...  Giles?  It’s Buffy!  How are you?  What’s new ... where’s Willow?”

“Fine, nothing and out of town.  It’s nice to hear from you too, Buffy.”

“Where’d she go?”   Buffy gave Xander a look.

“On assignment out of town.  You must realize that she is very busy.”

“Out of town like here out of town?”  She squeezed the phone.

“I’m afraid not.  She’s gone to Wales on assignment with some of the other novices.  I am sorry but you just missed her.  They left about an hour ago.”

“Oh, well.  Okay.”  Silence.

“She’s alright, Buffy.  Really.”

“I know Giles, I just miss her.”  She thought for a moment.  “And you.”  
  
He smiled.  “I miss you too.  I hope to finish up in the next few months and fly back.  You are doing patrols, aren’t you?”

She smiled.  “Yes, Giles.  All is quiet on the home front.  Although ... well, Riley asked for a little help and that’s what Xander and I have been up to.  Did you know they’re closing the Initiative compound on Campus?  This is what I know so far ...” 

She hadn’t planned on telling him anything yet wound up telling him everything.  He listened patiently and offered his advice here and there.  In truth, she did miss him.  More than she thought she could have, but he was her Watcher after all.  She couldn’t begrudge him the chance to make things right with the council and get his standing back.  Even if it did mean he was away for a long time.  She hung up the phone and sat in thought.

Xander looked over at her after a few minutes.  “He’ll come back, Buffy.

”She looked over at him.  “I know.  And so will our favorite hacker, but ...”  She shrugged sadly.

“It doesn’t make us miss them any less now.”  He looked at her with knowing eyes.  “Wills has only been gone a year.  She still has three more to go ...”

She slouched over against him.  “Why does everyone leave, Xander?  Everyone has left us ...”  
  
He put his arm around her.  “Hey, the Xand-man’s still here.  I’m not goin anywhere without my Buffster close behind.”  He gave a little squeeze.

“I can always count on you, Xand.”  They drank coffee and watched TV a little more.  “Hey, so what do you want to do about this whole demon hunting thing?  I told Giles everything we knew and he said he’d find out if the Council had any information.”  
  
”Well, I think we should just sit tight and let the Council put all the answers in our lap.  No use in going on a wild goose chase until we know what the goose looks like.”

“But still, Riley might get suspicious ...”  
  
”True.  So we’ll do what we do best in the face of unknown danger.”  
  
”What’s that?”

He gave her his big lovable oaf smile.  “Fake it till we know more.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Hello?  Hello?”  He was holding the cell phone to his ear but it was no use. 

Cordelia came up behind him and took it.  “Vampires.”  She shook her head.  She hit the answer button.  “Hello? ... yes, hi ... no he’s right here ... yeah, he can read and speak twelve languages, four of them dead, but he still can’t answer a cell phone ...”  She held the phone out to him.  “It’s Giles.”

He took the phone and glared at her.  “Hello?”

“Angel, its Rupert.  I didn’t reach you at home, well obviously ... are you busy?”

“No, just working on something.  What’s up?”

“Have you ever heard of the Initiative?”

“Funny you should ask.  That’s what I’m working on now.”  
  
”You don’t say.”

“Yeah, I got a lead from a woman. Her husband is a demon and this group, the Initiative is trying to hunt them down and kill them.  Apparently they don’t like the races mixing ... must be stuck in the 60’s.”

He was taken back by Angel’s humor.  “I see.  Yes, I’ve been told as much. I just got off the phone with Buffy.  Apparently she and Xander …”  
  
”Have been recruited to hunt the males.  I know.  I think there’s more going on.”

“How did you?  Angel, are you in Sunnydale?”

“Yes, but no one has seen me and I plan on keeping it that way.”

“And Willow?”  The concern in his voice was apparent.

“She’s fine, Giles ... she’s”  
  
Willow came up next to him.  “Giles?  Is that Giles?”

Giles spoke again.  “She’s there, in Sunnydale?  Have you lost your mind?”

He motioned for Willow to be quiet and spoke to Giles again.  “She’s fine.”  
  
”If anyone sees her ...”  
  
”No one will see her, Giles.  We were careful.  We’re at my apartment.”

“Angel, she’s supposed to be taking care of herself.  She’s there to recover, not work for you.”  He was getting more and more agitated.

Angel shook his head.  Willow saw the expression on his face and put her hand out for the phone.  He gave it to her thankfully.

“Giles.”

“Willow? What on earth are you doing in Sunnydale?”

“It’s fine.  I’m helping Angel and Cordelia.  I offered and they couldn’t stop me and believe me they tried.  My first appointment is next week and I plan on keeping it as well as helping Angel, it’s good for me so don’t try to talk me out of it. Understand?  Do you know about this whole Initiative thing?”

He sighed in resignation.  “Yes, Buffy just told me everything.  You have to be careful.  There’s more going on than any of you have figured out yet.  I’ve got the Council on it now and I should have word soon.  Buffy seems to think that it’s a simple ‘rid the world of demons’ issue, but it’s much more.  If I’m correct, this is a clan of Badahu demons.  They are peaceful and blend in well with the community.  They only want to live their lives, but.”  
  
”What Giles?”

“The males impregnate their wives, it’s natural and normal.  The Initiative somehow found out and, well, they’re taking the wives, keeping them until they give birth and wiping out the memory of it all.  They take the infant demons and let them die alone in a room.  Without proper nourishment it can happen between two and five hours.”  
  
”That’s horrible.  They’re killing the babies?”

“Yes.  I’m afraid the Initiative only sees it as a way to bring more demons into the world.  I’m sure they haven’t looked at it from the human side.  If given the chance to develop, the demons can learn to make the change to human form.  They are a highly educated race and very resourceful.”  
  
”And the Initiative is trying to wipe them out.  That’s, that’s like a twisted form of gender apartheid or racial cleansing ...  it’s illegal!”

“Yes, yes it is.  But the government hasn’t seen fit to accept this particular race of demons as citizens.  For years they’ve been trying but to no avail.”  
  
”So Buffy and Xander are hunting them?”

“Yes, only the males.  There have been so many killings lately that the race is close to extinction.  She doesn’t completely trust Riley’s motives but she is helping him none the less, or, at least letting it look like she’s helping until she can find out more.”  
  
”Good.  At least she’s being careful.”  
  
”As well should you.  I can’t tell you what to do Willow, but if you allow her to see you.”  
  
”I know, Giles.  I’m more and more convinced that it was the best idea to go to L.A. with Angel and Cordelia.  I feel a little better already.  Cordy’s been great.”  
  
”I never thought I’d hear you say her name and great in the same breath.”  He laughed.

“I know.  It’s weird.  Everything is fine.  You’ll call Angel when you find out more?”

“Yes.  How long do you three plan on staying there?”

“Not too long.  I think Angel’s going to lurk around some more tonight to see what he can find out.  Cordy and I have been put under house arrest.”  
  
”Good.  Take care of yourself, would you?”

“I will.  Angel and Cordy have been doing a good job of that too.  Bye Giles!”  She shut the phone off and was running through all the information in her mind.

“So?”

She jumped.  “Angel!  God, do I have to put bells on you?”

He smirked.  “No, sorry.  What did Giles say?”

“Come on and sit.  You two are not going to believe this.”  They all sat down on the couch.

\-----------

“So this guy.  She dated him in college?”

“Yes.”  
  
”And now they’re together again?”

“No.  They broke up two years ago.  They both thought it was for the best.  She hasn’t been with anyone since then.  She is roommates with Xander though, if you can believe that.”

“I believe it.”  He smiled.

“Riley was ... he was kind of the last straw.  They both had the same ends but their means clashed.  She’s all theory thanks to Giles and he’s all science thanks to the government.”

“I see.”  
  
”So if the Initiative is closing down and moving camp then this must be their final project here in Sunnydale.”  She fell into thought for a moment.  “They’re killing babies, Angel.  It’s so horrible.  Half-demon or not, how could anyone live with themselves?”

He shook his head.  “It’s more of a job to them.  They don’t see the human side of it, the side with emotions and feelings.  They just see them as ... what do they call them again?”

“HST’s.  So what are we gonna do?”

“I’m going to stick around and see what else I can find out.  You two can head back to L.A.  Check on Wesley and the couple, make sure they don’t need anything and that they’re safe.  Cordelia knows where the petty cash is.  I’ll drive you to the airstrip.  An old friend of mine owes me a favor.”  
  
”Private jet?”  Cordelia chimed in.

“No.  Helicopter.  It’s not much, but you’ll be back in L.A. in an hour or so.”  He got up from the couch.  “Why don’t you get your stuff together.  I want to drop you off within the hour.”  
  
They agreed and headed off to the bedroom.  Cordelia emerged from the room after a few minutes and approached Angel. “Hey.”  
  
”Hey.  How is she?”

She shrugged.  “Okay.  It was bad, Angel, wasn’t it?  I mean she told me some of it but ...”

“Really bad.  Never in 246 years did I ever …”  
  
“I know.  I mean I don’t know everything, but I know enough to know.”  
  
“You’re good for her.”  He smiled.  _Good for me too_.  
  
“You think?  I’m trying to be her friend but it’s a little hard.  There’s so much mucky stuff to get through from the past.  You know?”

He nodded.  _All too well_. “Cordelia.  If she can forgive me for what I did to her then she can forgive you.”  
  
”I do.  Forgive you I mean.”  
  
He smiled sadly.  “But, Cordy ... if I ever, I mean …”  
  
”If you _ever_ I swear you would so be fertilizing my plants!”  
  
He chuckled.  “Good to know.”

Willow came out of the bedroom with bags in tow.  “You two ready?”

They nodded and Cordelia walked past her.  “I just have to grab my bags.”

“Give me a half-hour and we’ll go.  I have something to take care of first.”  He walked out the door.

Willow shook her head.  “Always the mystery man.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Damn it!  I should have known better than to trust her.”  He was standing in the spot she stood last night.  There were signs that someone had been there.   A fire pit, footprints that weren’t theirs.  Had he been more careful he would have noticed it last night.  Now the demons were far ahead of them.

“I don’t know.  I find her kind of trustworthy.”  
  
He turned.  “Show yourself.  Who are you?”

He stepped out from behind a tree.  “A friend.”  
  
”I don’t need a friend.”  
  
”Didn’t say I was yours.”  He walked closer so they were about three feet apart.  “There’s more to this than you know.”  
  
”How do you know what I know?”

“You should back off of this one, Riley.  It’s no concern of yours.”

“How do you know my name?  Who the hell are you?”  He stepped forward and looked at his face closer.  “You’re not human.”  
  
”That’s right.  I’m not human and you’ve forgotten how to act like one.  Killing babies?  I’d figure you for a humanitarian, not a murderer.”  
  
”They’re demon spawn, not children.  Small HST’s that may seem harmless now, but when they reach adulthood ... why am I explaining this to you?”

“He has a way of getting people to open up.  It’s one of his better qualities.”  Buffy stepped out from behind some bushes.

Angel turned.  “Buffy.”

Riley looked back and forth between them.  “You know each other?”

Xander stepped out from behind the bush too.  “Dead boy.  Should have known.”  He pulled a stake out from his pocket.

“Xander.”  Angel nodded his head to the boy.  “And could you not call me that?”

Buffy tried to ignore their exchange.  “You look good.”  
  
Angel looked at her.  “You too.”  
  
”Could someone please tell me what’s going on?”  Riley yelled and they all looked at him.  He moved over next to Buffy.  “You two know this ... vampire?”

Buffy nodded.  “Yeah ... he’s an old, um, acquaintance.”

Angel winced at her words.  “I know what you’re doing, Finn, you and your military boys.”

“Good.  Could you clue us in cuz we’re a little confused.”  Xander added.

“Killing babies.”  Angel said.

Riley shook his head.  “Demons.  HST’s ... not children.”  He turned to Buffy.  “You were there, you witnessed a birth.  They come out ...

“Demon born, human raised.  You’re not giving them a chance to become human.”  Angel interjected.  “It stops now.  You won’t hurt them; I won’t let you.”

“And who’s gonna stop me?”

“I am.”  He walked over next to Angel.  “Sorry it took so long, mate, you suck with directions.”

Riley threw his hands up in frustration.  “Hostile 17?”  He turned to Buffy.  “Are you on a first name basis with all the HST’s in this town?”

She laughed.  “No, just these two.”  She turned.  “Spike.  Good to see you.  I think.”

Angel turned to Riley.  “I want to make a deal with you.  Give me a week and you won’t see the Badahu demons again.  Unless of course you want to.”  
  
”The Initiative wants them wiped out.  They’re a threat to the community.”  
  
Spike stepped in front of them.  “They’re no threat to _you_ , you wanker!  They’re just trying to live their lives.  They didn’t expect to be hunted down and send into extinction.  Now you’ve got the Slayer involved and I’ll bet you didn’t even tell her the whole story.”

“Spike.”  Angel warned behind him.

“So that’s the whole story?  They’re peaceful, not hostile, and you still want them dead.”  Buffy turned accusingly to Riley.  “And you were gonna tell us this when?”

“Look, I have a job to do, the less you knew the better ...”  
  
”And I have a job to do too.”  Angel interjected.  “These people are under my protection and you won’t harm them.  You give me a week and you’ll never see them again.”

Riley shook his head.  “They’re not people, they’re animals like you.  You don’t know what you’re asking.”  
  
”I do know and it’s not that hard.  Just continue to follow Buffy on these wild goose chases.  After a week she can start to really track them.  If she can’t find them, you never will.”

He looked at Angel and stepped up to him until they were nose to nose.  “A week.  Then they’re fair game.”  
  
”Good choice.”  
  
”Was there really any other?”  He narrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” He shifted into game face.  “but I don’t think you would have liked it.”  He stepped back, gave one last look to Buffy and walked away with Spike two steps behind him.

He turned to Buffy and she shook her head.  “Don’t.  Just don’t.”

“Fine.  I’m going.  I have some fake demons to track.”  He walked away.

“Coming Buff?”  Xander said from behind her.

“No.  I’ll do a quick sweep then be home in time for Nightline.  I need to get rid of some of this energy.”  She smiled at him.  “Save me some donuts.” 

They walked off in opposite directions.

\---------------

“Where the hell is he?  I wanna get out of this one Starbucks town already.”  Cordelia was standing at the window, looking out into the darkness.

“He’s not gonna get here any faster if you stand there.  It’ll only seem like it’s taking longer.”  Willow was stretched out on the couch, flipping through a magazine.

She walked over to the couch and finally sat down.  “I just don’t like it that we could get caught.  Buffy and Xander ...”  
  
”They’re probably at home watching TV and eating left over donuts.”

“He went to see her you know.”  
  
Willow looked up.  “I know, and neither one of us could have stopped him.”  
  
On cue, Angel walked in and tossed his keys on the table.  He stomped to the refrigerator and pulled out a packet of blood, poured it into a glass, and drank it down in one gulp.  He looked over at them.  “What?”

Willow sat up.  “First of all, wipe off that face.  Second of all, how did you think you’d feel after you saw her?”

“I don’t know.  How did you feel when you saw Oz again?”  He meant for it to cut but couldn’t stop himself from saying it out loud.

She stood up.  “For your information, I never did see Oz again.”  She walked off to the bedroom.

“Willow.  Willow, wait!”  He called after her but she closed the door behind her.  He took the glass and threw it against the wall, pieces flew all over.

Cordelia glared at him from the couch.  “Nice going Mr. Insensitive dead-guy.  We’re supposed to be helping her not making her feel worse.”  Cordelia marched off to the room too.

“Tell her I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”  He called after her.

She turned.  “Tell her yourself.  That is if she can ever look you in the face again.”  She opened the door and walked in, locking it behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

“Will.”  
  
She looked up, her eyes blood shot from crying.  “I’m okay.”  
  
”It was mean.”

“It was true.  I knew it would hurt him if I said it.”

“And he knew he’d hurt you, now you’re even.”  
  
She nodded.  “You know, as much as I hated him for hurting Buffy ... Now I hate to see him hurt over her.  It’s like I hate them both for hurting each other.”  She sighed.  “They both mean different things to me.” 

Cordelia sat down.  “I know.  I was never close with Buffy but with Angel ... he broods in his office all day and I know it’s over her.  I just wish he’d get over it already.  Even if it’s just a little bit.”

“I’m over Oz ... over his hurting me anyway ... I’m not crying over that, I just ...” She shrugged.  “Cordy, it’s all so complicated.”  She reached over to the night stand and took two more pills.

“Don’t you have a limit with those things?”  She took the bottle and read it.  “Take one a day with a glass of milk.”  She looked at her.  “Will, you’ve taken four today, are you trying to. .”

“No!  No way.  I’ve been taking them since, well, for about 6 months now and I think I’ve built up an immunity to them, that’s all.”  She looked into her eyes.  “I’ll be fine really.  I don’t want to hurt myself.  Just the opposite.”  
  
She brushed some hair away from her face.  “Okay.”  It was a simple, friendly gesture.  So then why did it feel so ... electric.  She bent down slowly, never breaking eye contact.  She was going to kiss her.  She _wanted_ to kiss Willow?!  Never in a million years had she ever thought, well, maybe once or twice, but still ...

They were startled by a crash from the living room.  Cordelia got up and went to the door to peek out.  “Damn.”  
  
”Cordy, what is it?”  She came up to stand next to her.  “Damn.  Xander.”  
  
”Stay here.  He can’t see you but he can see me.”  She walked out and closed the door behind her.

Angel was in game-face against the wall.  Xander had him pinned there with a loaded crossbow to his chest.

“Xander.  Don’t kill my dead boss!”

He looked over at her shocked.  It was just enough time for Angel to grab the crossbow and break it in two across his knee.

“What are you doing here?”  He looked between Angel and Cordelia.  “You’re not ... I mean you couldn’t be ...”  He made a face.  
  
”No, Xander.  Unlike you I don’t want to sleep with every woman I’m friends with.”  Angel commented.

“We work together.  Hello?  Or have you not been reading the letters I’ve sent you?”  Her hands were on her hips and she was fast changing into bitch Cordelia mode.  “or haven’t you learned to read yet you big oaf?!”

“Cordy, I just wanted ...”  
  
”You just wanted to storm in here with half a brain like you always do and try to hurt Angel.  He’s trying to help you and Buffy.”  
  
Xander turned to Angel.  “He can help Buffy by staying away.  Far away.”  
  
Angel straightened up.  “I came here for information.  I got it so now I’m leaving.  I hope you’ll be doing the same.”

He looked around the room and noticed the bags.  He bent down and upon closer inspection found something very familiar.  “This!  This is Willows!  It’s a mini-beanie baby frog key chain!  I gave it to her before she went to England!  Where is she?”  He made a beeline for the bedroom.  “Will?!  Willow?!”

He searched the bedroom, the closets, the bathroom, the kitchen and even under the couch.  She was no where to be found.  He stepped over to Angel and dangled the key chain in front of his face.  “Where did you get this?”

Cordelia snatched it from his hand.  “It’s mine.  They’re a dime a dozen at the novelty stores in L.A. Xander.  God, forget Mel Gibson, they should have cast you for the Conspiracy Theory!”

“I just thought ... and then, well.  Never mind.  I just leave while I still have some of my dignity intact.”  He walked out the door and Cordelia watched him as he rounded the corner towards his apartment.  She closed the door and turned to Angel.  “That was close.”  
  
”Too close, but ... where’s Willow?”  They headed to the bedroom and Angel called out.  “He’s gone.  You can come out now.”  
  
”A little help here guys.”  They looked up and saw some red hair peeking out from the top of the canopy.  Angel shook his head.  “How did you get up there?”

She looked down and rolled her eyes.  “Don’t ask.  Just get me off of this thing.”

With a little maneuvering, Willow managed to step down onto Angel’s shoulders.  She wobbled a little and sent them both crashing to the floor with a resounding thud.  She sat up and rubbed her shoulder.  “Thanks.”

He rubbed his head.  “Don’t mention it.  Ever.”  
  
Cordelia was suppressing a grin.  “I don’t know.  I’d give you a six for form but the dismount gets a two.”  They all laughed.

Angel got up and put his hand out to help Willow.  “Willow, I ...”  
  
She nodded.  “Me too.”  And she reached over and hugged a very surprised vampire.

“I’d hate to break up this touching Hallmark moment but I really want to leave.  As in an hour ago?”  She walked out of the room.

Angel looked after her.  “Meow.  What’s with her?”

“I don’t know.”  She grabbed Angel’s arm.  “Come on.” She stopped short and turned to him.  “Meow?”  He shrugged and walked out of the room.

\---------------------

 “Xander!”  
  
”I know.  You don’t have to remind me how incredibly stupid it was.  I got that part, trust me.”  
  
”I can’t believe you.  As much as it freaks me out to know he’s here, he was only trying to help.  From what it sounded like, he’s been involved longer than we have.”

“It just ... man it kills me how that guy gets to you!”  He was pacing around the room.  “And to have both of them there, within like two feet of each other ...”  
  
”I was wiggin, believe me.  Major wiggs going on.”  She was sitting on the couch all balled up with her chin resting on her knees.

He stopped short and looked over at her ... really looked at her.  She looked so sad, so lost.  It just wasn’t fair – the hell these guys put her though.  He walked over to the couch and sat down next to her quietly. Gently, he put his hand on her shoulder.  “You okay, Buffy?”

“Why is it that every guy I’ve slept with turned evil?”

His eyes went wide.  “What?!”

She looked up at him.  “I’m serious, Xand.  Angel turned all grr after my little after hours private birthday party ... then Parker couldn’t even look at me the next day ... then Riley goes all psycho ubber-commando suspicious guy when Walsh died.”  She got quiet a moment then continued.  “He still blames me for it, you know.  He may not say it, but I know ...”  
  
”You don’t know that.  Angel was, well, there’s no other way of putting it, but Angel was a mistake.  Slayers and vampires don’t mix.”  He put his arm around her.  “Parker was a guy ... the ultimate sex seeking nasty guy that gives us love seeking guys a bad name.”  She laughed a little and he continued.  “Riley.  Riley is and always be a military guy in the truest form.  He’s all ethics and there’s only black and white where he’s concerned.  He could never understand the many colors and layers that is the one and only Buffy Summers.  Not even if he tried.”  
  
She looked up at him and sniffled.  He reached over and handed her a tissue.  “Thanks.”  She smiled at him.

“Hey, don’t give me that look.  I don’t understand you either sometimes.”  He gave her a squeeze.  “Make that most of the time.  I can’t explain you to you, Buff.  You’re the only one that can figure that out.”

She blew her nose.  “How did you get so smart?”

He gave her a goofy smile.  “Guess I did it when you weren’t watchin.”

She shook her head.  “No.  I’ve watched, I’ve noticed.  You’ve grown a lot since high school.”  
  
He shrugged.  “You gotta be wise to stay alive, I guess.  In Sunnydale anyway ... you gotta keep one step ahead of those crazy vampires.”  He smiled down at her.

“See, there ... then you revert back to the wise-cracking fool that wandered the halls with me and I wonder how you made it this far.  I don’t know how you do it.”

He got up and grabbed a soda from the fridge and leaned against the counter.  “I’m a man of mystery I guess.”  
  
She walked over to him.  “No, no more men of mystery in my life.  I wanna live mystery free from here on out.”  She hugged him and pressed her head against his chest.  “Just be Xander.”

He put one arm around her.  “The jury’s in.  Just plain old Xander it is.”

“Not plain.  You may not know it, but you have a lot going for you.”  
  
He chuckled. “Yeah, lots.  I live in the converted attic of my best friend’s mother’s house, I don’t have a steady job, my love life is nonexistent and I don’t know where my next meal is coming from or where my life is going.  I don’t even know what I’m gonna do tomorrow, never mind the rest of my life.”  He shook his head and put his other arm around her.  “I have lots goin on ... bunches even.”

She looked up at him.  “Don’t sell yourself short.  You’ll figure it out soon enough.  In the meantime, you’ve got me.”

He looked at the seriousness in her eyes.  He wasn’t sure where it came from, or how it got there, but it had to go.  Now.  She just couldn’t look at him like that.  Now.  He pulled away from her and stretched.  “What do you say we go to bed.  It’s been a really long night.”

She frowned from the loss of contact but agreed.  “Okay.  Turn the lights off and walk me to my room.”  
  
He smiled.  “As always.”  After hitting the last light he stopped in front of her door.  “Night Buff.”  
  
She kissed his cheek.  “Night roomie.”  Then closed the door.

Before heading off to bed, Xander went to the bathroom for a quick shower.  A very cold one.  He hadn’t had those feelings for Buffy since high school and that was five, almost six years ago ... it made him uneasy.  He got out, put his boxers on and went to his room. 

As he put his clothes away, he thought about their situation.  It was really nice of Buffy’s mom to let him live there.  As long as he had helped with construction, she converted the attic to an apartment for them – complete with a separate entrance.  Buffy lived with him, that way she was living on her own, but her mother still got to keep an eye on her, and him. 

It made him smile.  After Xander had shown up to Buffy and Willow’s graduation with a black eye, he’d told her everything and she refused to let him go home again.  He couldn’t ask for a better situation.

He climbed into bed and began to fall asleep.  There was a knock on the door.  He sat up.

“Xander?  You still awake?”

He sighed.  “I am now.  Come on in.”  
  
She opened the door tentatively and whispered.  “Sorry.  I couldn’t sleep.”  She looked around awkwardly.  It was her house, but she’d never been inside Xander’s room before.  “Can I come in?”

He nodded.  “Sure.  Something on your mind.”  He looked at her with concern.  “Bad dreams?  Boogieman?”

She smiled and sat down on his bed.  “No, I just couldn’t sleep.  I guess seeing Angel got me worse than I thought.”  She looked around.  Not typical Xander.  “You cleaned?  Not that I’ve ever been in here before, but ...”  
  
”Yeah.  I had a little pent up energy I had to get rid of.” 

“Oh.”

“Buffy, I”  
  
”Can I stay with you?”

“Huh?”

She moved closer to him.  “Can I stay?  I don’t want to be alone tonight.”  
  
”Uh.”  
  
She laughed.  “Xander, say something.  If this is too weird for you then,”  
  
”Yes.”  
  
She got up and turned towards the door.  “Oh.”  
  
He reached up and grabbed her arm.  “I meant yes to the ‘you can stay’ part.  Not the weird part.”

Silently she climbed into bed next to him.  He pulled the covers up over them and tried to relax.  _Breathe Harris.  Just remember to breathe._

“Xander?”

“Hmm?”  
  
”Thanks.”  
  
”Anytime.”  He put his arm around her and she instinctively snuggled closer.  They fell asleep a few minutes later.

\--------------

The cab ride from the heli-port was short and they were back in Cordelia’s apartment in no time.  She made a quick call to Wesley to make sure everything was alright and tell him that Angel wasn’t going to open the office tomorrow.  She hung up with him and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Willow watched her as she went from the kitchen to the living room, used the phone, and back to the kitchen again.  Something was definitely bothering her.  They hadn’t said two words to each other the whole ride back to L.A.

She crept into the kitchen and came up next to her.  “Hey.”  
  
”Hi.”  She continued to look straight ahead.

“Something wrong?”

“No.  Why do you ask?”

“You haven’t said anything since we left Sunnydale.”

Silence.  She took a sip of water.

She put her hand on her arm and felt the other girl stiffen.  “If something’s bothering you then ...”  
  
”I’m fine, Willow.”  She looked over at her.

“That’s not what your eyes are telling me.”  
  
”And what are they telling you?”  
  
She swallowed hard.  “That you either regret what passed between us or you regret that we got interrupted by Xander.  Either way, you’re wigged.”

“You’re not?”

She shook her head.  “Impossible.”  
  
Now she was confused.  “How’s that?”  
  
She held up her hand.  “This.  It’s enchanted.  It keeps my emotions in check and helps me keep a level head.  It’s called the Gem of NoiTome.  Legend had it that Zeus himself wore it.”  She smiled and walked to the fridge.  “Anyway, it was given to me by my mentor.  It keeps me clear headed and helps with my studies.”

“Take it off.”  
  
She turned back to her, shocked.  “Cordy, I can’t.”  
  
”Why not?”  She walked up to her.  “Is it welded to your hand or something?”

“No.  I actually only just put it back on when we got to Sunnydale.  I thought I’d need it.”

“Then ...”  She motioned to Willow’s hand.  “I may not know you as well as Buffy does, or even Xander, but I do know you well enough to know that you’re a creature of emotions and feelings.  It’s what drives you ... makes you special. With that on, you’re just analytical and, cold.  Kind of like a man, and that is so not right.”  
  
She had to laugh at the comparison.  She took the ring off and put it in her pocket.  “Better?”  Cordelia nodded.  Without a word, Willow walked into the living room and sat down.

Cordelia came in a few minutes later with a tray.  On it was a bottle of wine, two glasses and some cheese.  “I thought we could use these after the day we had.”  
  
Willow nodded her head.  “Absolutely.”

They talked and drank well into the night.  Cordelia told her everything that happened to her since she got to L.A. and Willow told her about studying with the Council in England. Cordelia wanted to know more about the attack but didn’t push her on it.  Willow finally found out what made Cordelia different.  It was when she slept with that rich guy her friend set her up with and became pregnant with demon babies.  It made her realize just who her friends are and that list started with ...

“Angel and Wesley.  They were great with everything and as always, Angel came rushing through the door at the last moment and saved the day.”  
  
”That’s horrible.  He used you.”  
  
”Yes, and it took me a while to get over it but Angel and Wesley were great.  Angel even gave me two days off, paid.  I don’t know what I would have done without them.”  
  
”You’re lucky to have each other.”  
  
Cordelia nodded her head in agreement.  She looked at the table.  “Man, we sure did put them away, didn’t we?”  
  
Willow looked over at the table.  “Yeah.  Four each.  I think that’s a new personal record.”

“You don’t drink much do you?”

Willow shook her head.  “And you?”

She looked down at her hands.  “Well I drink, uh ... barely ever.”

“Ha.  You’re even less of a lush than I am.  At least I have scotch with Giles every night after dinner.”

She made a face.  “Yuck.”  
  
”It’s an acquired taste.”  She leaned in close to her and whispered.  “I water mine down to kill the taste, but don’t tell Giles.”

“I won’t.  It’s our secret.”  They were close.  So close, Cordelia could smell the wine on her breath and feel the air pass her lips. It was warm.

Willow blinked and realized how close they were.  The color rose in her cheeks.  “Sorry.”  She started to move back but Cordelia stopped her.

“Willow.”  
  
She looked at her lips, her hair, even her cheeks.  Anywhere but her eyes.  The eyes were the windows to the soul after all and Willow wasn’t sure if she wanted to open that window just yet.  “Yeah?”

“Before ... at Angel’s ... would you have?  I mean ...”  
  
”I don’t know.  Maybe.”  She leaned over towards her shoulder and Cordelia put her arm out so she could lean against her.  “I’ve never before.  Ever.  I’ve thought about it but ...”  
  
”I haven’t either.”

“I don’t have it in me to love anyone just yet.  Not the way they’d deserve to be.  The things I’ve seen, the things I’ve been through.  I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”  
  
”Once upon a time that was me.”  Cordelia was stroking her hair.

“Yeah ... and here we are.”  She reached over and touched her arm lightly.

“Here we are.”  She echoed.

Willow looked up at her and saw the sadness there, the hurt.  She reached up and touched her cheek and felt Cordelia smile under her hand.  “Sad?”

She shook her head and whispered.  “Scared.”  
  
”Me too.”  Willow whispered back.  “There’s a lot of baggage behind these eyes.  More than you know.”  
  
”Same here.”  Cordelia began to lean down.  “Lots of it.”  
  
Willow began to lean up closer to her.  Instinctively they closed their eyes as their lips met.  It was soft and warm, mingled with the taste of wine.  They kissed long enough to get used to it but not long enough to get worked up.

Willow opened her eyes.  “That was nice.” 

Cordelia nodded.  “Didn’t suck.”

Willow smiled.  “It was sweet.”  She kissed her again.  
  
”And warm.”  Kiss.  
  
”Soft.” Kiss.

“But not gross.”  Kiss.

Willow smiled again.  “No, not gross.”  She kissed her again with a little more confidence and Cordelia responded in turn.  They stayed that way for maybe an hour kissing each other softly, sweetly, whispering about the things they felt and feared.  Soon after the last two glasses of wine were gone, they fell asleep snuggled together on the couch.


	8. Chapter 8

She made her way down the street quickly.  There were things to do, places to see, and she felt like she never had enough time for anything these days.  Punching in the key code at the entrance, she waited for the familiar beep to allow her access.

It was brimming with activity this afternoon.  People mulled about here and there.  She caught clips of conversations, but nothing she’d feel comfortable commenting on.  They were here for privacy, after all, and safety.  She felt that she could afford them that much.

She quickly made her way to the back office and put her coat up on the hook.  Turning around, she caught sight of something she never thought she’d see.

“Angel.”

He punched a few more keys on the computer, then turned around and smiled.  “Willow.  How was your meeting?”

“Fine.  How’s it going today?  When I left, we had three waiting.”

“One down, two to go.  They don’t want to come out just yet I guess.”

She smirked.  “Who can blame them?”

He nodded in agreement.  “Did you see Cordelia on your way through?”

“No.  I haven’t seen her all day.”

“Odd.  She went upstairs this morning and I haven’t seen her since.”  
  
Willow shrugged.  “So when does the next bus leave?”

He looked at his watch.  “Not until nine.  We have time to wait for the two late ones.”  
  
”Good.  If you need me I’ll be over by the rooms.”  She walked out and went down a hallway.  Two short minutes later, she was standing in front of a large window, smiling at the woman laying there.  She gave a friendly little wave then walked in.  “Looks like someone doesn’t want to meet you just yet.”  
  
She wiped sweat from her brow.  “No.  I hope we don’t miss the bus.”  
  
”You won’t.  How do you feel?”

“Like I could sleep for a week.  I’ve been in here since 2 am.”  Just then, her features changed and a monitor at her side began to beep.  Doctors and nurses swarmed into the room and Willow was long forgotten.  She walked out and stood by the window to watch, out of the way.

It was a good idea.  Angel called her a genius, although she could hardly argue with him.  She suggested that the warehouse under his office should be converted into a shelter for the Badahu demons who were on the run from the Initiative.  Using some of her own expense account and some of the Council’s, she set the plan in motion.  Within a week, they moved the woman and her demon husband from the motel to the warehouse.  It was a close call, but Angel had managed to get the word out and soon they were taking in two and three families a day.  Most of the women were pregnant and needed care, and that’s when the birthing rooms were set up.  Angel was able to keep his word to Riley, and he had kept his word about the Initiative not being involved.

Exactly a week after their meeting in the woods, Buffy started to really track the demons.  They were almost caught when Angel made a last minute trip to Sunnydale to pick up two women, but Angel made the excuse to her that he was taking his computer back to L.A. for Wesley.  The women cowered in his bedroom while Buffy helped him load up his computer in the car.  She watched him drive off and he came back an hour later to get them.

Willow watched with wide eyed wonder as the baby demon was lifted from its mother.  She walked back into the room and produced two identical tags.  She tied one to the mother’s arm and one to the child’s.  They found out the hard way that when the demons were born it was almost impossible to tell them apart.  She wasn’t about to make the same mistake again.

She noted the pointy ears and smiled.  “It’s a girl.  They’re just going to take her in to be cleaned off and bring her right back.  Congratulations.”  The woman smiled and thanked her.

Willow turned and picked up the phone.  “Angel?  Room three ... it’s a girl ...  yeah ...  one to go ...  I’m gonna head upstairs and see what Cordy’s up to ... bye.”

Willow walked down a long corridor to the elevator.  _Three months.  Has it really been three months since I got here?_ The elevator made its familiar creak and jolt as it stopped on the second floor.

Willow walked into the back office.  Cordelia was nowhere to be found.  She walked over to the desk and sat down.  _Now where could she be_? Noises came from the front office.  Happy laughing noises.  She got up and peeked through the blinds.

“Thank you for lunch, Joe.”  
  
”Anytime, Cordelia.”  He bent down and kissed her on the cheek.  “I’ll let you know if anything comes up.”  He lingered a moment and heads out the door.

Willow quickly moved away from the blinds and scampered over to the desk.  Cordelia walks in seconds later.  “Willow.”

She was faking interest in a magazine.  “Hi.  Lunch date?”

Cordelia walked over and took the magazine from her and put it right side up.  “Yeah, you could say that.”  She smiled and walked over to hang up her coat.

Color crept into Willow’s cheeks.  “Known him long?”

“I’ve been seeing him since I got to L.A.”  
  
”Oh.”

She turned back to Willow and smiled.  “Yeah.   Joe’s a great agent.”

“Agent?  He’s your agent?”

“Yes.  Why would you think differently?”

“No reason.”  She looked around the room, disinterested.  This was hard, really hard.  Things hadn’t progressed past kissing with Cordy and even that was infrequent.  She ran so hot and cold all the time and now was no exception.  Not in the mood for a fight, Willow got up and headed towards the door.  “I’m heading back home.  Will you be there soon?”

She opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it.  She just nodded and smiled. 

Willow gave her one last look and walked out the door.

\-------------

“Take that you creep!”  Xander had pushed the last vampire back against the mausoleum.  Buffy sprang up and drove the stake home.  They were covered in dust.

“Man, that guy had to be at least three hundred pounds to produce all this dust.”  
  
He shook his hair out.  “Yeah.  Guess vampires don’t discriminate.  They turn anyone.”  
  
”That was the last of them.  Let’s head home.”  
  
They walked along in silence.  The cemetery had been on the other side of town, so it took them about fifteen minutes to reach the Summer’s residence.

Xander let out a heavy sigh as he followed Buffy up the stairs to their apartment.  “We really need a set of wheels, Buff ... and maybe even an escalator while I’m thinking of it.”  
  
She shook her head.  “Exercise is good for you, Xand.”  
  
”Hey, I exercise.  Plenty.”  
  
She opened the door and hung the keys up.  “Yeah.  It’s a long trip from the couch to the fridge and back again.  You must be exhausted.”

He began to creep up behind her.  “Oh, ha ha ... the Slayer thinks she’s doing stand-up now.”  He grabbed her around the waist and they fell to the couch.  “Let’s see how funny she thinks she is up against the tickle monster!”

They struggled on the couch, then the floor.  Finally, Buffy had had enough so she pulled her legs back and gave him one swift shove.  He flew across the room and landed on top of the table that was against the wall – breaking it in half.

She scrambled over to him.  “Xand!  Are you okay?  I am so sorry!”  
  
He laid there in a heap for a few moments then sat up, shaking his head.  “Okay and ouch.”  He reached up and touched the bump forming on his head. 

She reached over and touched it and he winced.

“Rule number one with injuries ... no touching.”  
  
She pouted.  “I didn’t mean to do it.  Here, let me get you an ice pack.”  She got up and headed to the kitchen.

He made his way over to the couch and there was a knock on the door. “Come in.”  
  
”What happened here?”

Buffy turned.  “Mom.  Sorry if we woke you.”

“Yeah.  We were just horsin’ around.  Sorry.”  Xander gave her a sheepish grin.

She wasn’t amused.  “Clean up this mess before you go to bed.”

“Yes ma’am.”  
  
”Sorry mom.  Guess I don’t know my own strength.”  
  
Joyce shook her head and closed the door behind her.

Buffy walked over to the couch, sat down and put the ice pack to his head.  “I am sorry, Xander.”  
  
He nodded.  “I know.  No big.  I should know better than to unleash the tickle monster on the Slayer.  I’m gonna get myself staked one of these days.”  
  
”I would never stake you.  You’re my bud.”  
  
He smiled and reached for the remote.  They watched TV for a while and after going through the channels another six times, decided it was time to turn in.  They got up and stretched.

“Lights, Xand.”

He walked her to her room and smiled.  “I forgot to tell you.  I got a letter from Willow today.”  
  
”Yeah, me too.  She sounds really happy out there.”  
  
”Yeah.  They’re keeping her busy though.”  
  
Buffy’s expression saddened.  “I miss my Willow-shaped friend.”  
  
He nodded.  “Me too.  It’s almost a year and a half.  The longest we’ve been apart was in the fifth grade when I got the chicken pox.”

“Yeah?  I think the longest we were apart was that summer I took off.  Three months.”  She shrugged.

“Longest three months of my life.”  His head shot up to gauge her reaction.  “For Will and I ... I meant.”  He added as an afterthought.

“I know what you meant.”  She reached up and straightened his collar unnecessarily.  She smoothed out the fabric of his shirt against his chest and left her hands there.  “I always know what you mean.  Even when you don’t say it.”

He took a deep breath.  “So, we should, uh ...”  
  
She looked up at him.  “Yeah, I guess we should ...”

He reached up and touched her wrists.  “I’m going to have an incredibly adult thought here and say I need to go to my room.  Now.” 

He moved to go but she still hung on.  “Xand.”  
  
He shook his head and looked at her sadly.  “We can’t.”  He whispered.

“Why?”

“Because it’s not forever with you and I know that.  It’s just for now ... until another Angel or Riley comes along.”

“Nothing is forever.”

“Buffy.”  He sighed.

“Even the big bad Slayer needs someone to chase the monsters away ... even if it’s only for a little while.”  She touched his cheek.  
  
”See?  You said you need someone.  Not that you need me.”

“I do need you Xander ... I always have.”  
  
”But not like this.  Never before, so why now?”

She placed her head against his chest.  “This is going to sound like the worst cliché in the world, but I’m lonely and so are you.  Why should we be alone if we can have each other?”

He lifted her chin so he could look at her.  “Because it would only be for now ... and I don’t think I could live like that.”  
  
She smiled sadly and nodded.  “Stay with me? Just sleep like last time.”


	9. Chapter 9

Willow walked through the door and looked around the apartment.  There was no sign of Cordy.  She half expected her to be perched on the couch ready to give the ‘mom’ lecture about going out in the city alone and questioning her as to her whereabouts.  She wasn’t sure if she was glad or angry she hadn’t waited up.

She put her keys on the table and removed her coat.  Walking to the kitchen, she saw a glass of water and two pills float towards her.  “Thanks Dennis.”  She looked at the pills.  “Aspirin?”  She felt her hand nudge towards her mouth.  “Okay, okay ... I’ll take them.”  She put them in her mouth and washed them down with water.

“Where have you been?”  Cordelia’s disembodied voice came from the kitchen table.

Willow turned on the lights.  “I didn’t see you sitting there.  I was out.”

Her arms were crossed and she showed no surprise.  “I see.”

Willow rolled her eyes.  “I can go out alone, Cordy.  I’m not a teenager and I don’t have a curfew.”  
  
She looked hurt.  “I know.”  She stood up and moved closer.  “I was worried, I guess.”  She shrugged.

“I took a walk around the city to clear my head.  I stopped into this little hole in the wall bar, had a few drinks, and walked back here.”  
  
”I didn’t ask for an explanation.”  
  
She turned and walked away.  “Well, you got one.”

Cordelia followed her.  “What’s with the ‘tude?”

She turned.  “Nothing.  I … I think it’s time I go back to England.”

“What?”  She gave her an incredulous look.

“I can finish my therapy sessions in England.  There’s really nothing left for me to do here.  I helped Angel set up the clinic and I think it’s time for me to go.”

“Willow.”  
  
”Cordy, can we just not?  There’s nothing for me here except stress and aggravation.  I don’t need it.”

“That’s all this trip has been to you?  Stressful?”  She couldn’t believe her ears.

She turned her back.  “Honestly?  Yes ... I can’t do this with you, I’m not up for it.  I can’t argue, can’t stand here and watch you run hot and cold, can’t wonder what you’re thinking all the time.  It’s too hard.”  
  
She was silent.

Willow turned to her.  “This isn’t what I’m here for, Cordy.  I’m here to get better ... to try and feel safe and comfortable in my skin again.”  She dropped her voice to a whisper.  “You’re not helping.”

“I’m not trying not to help.”  Her voice cracked.  “Just the opposite.”  She crossed the room and stood in front of her.  “I ... God, this is hard.”  
  
She nodded.  “I know.  Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to ...”  
  
She silenced her with a finger across her lips.  “Don’t.”  Willow closed her eyes.  “Do you think this is easy for me?  To stand by and watch you go through this, alone?  Well, it’s not.”  She stepped back and walked over to the fireplace.  “You wake up screaming every morning in a cold sweat and all I can offer you is a cold washcloth.  You come home from therapy or late from the warehouse and sit in your bed and cry yourself to sleep.  I don’t know what to do.”  
  
Willow listened to everything she had to say.  Truth be told, she never expected that what she was going through would have an effect on Cordelia.  In hindsight, how couldn’t it affect her?  She walked up behind her and placed her hand on her shoulder.  “Cordy.”  
  
”Don’t, Will.  You shouldn’t be comforting me over your problems.”  She turned around to face her.  “I’m not good at this stuff.”  
  
Willow smiled.  “You can say that again.”  
  
”Hey!”  
  
”But now that we know what the other is thinking ... it might be easier.”  
  
”You mean you’ll stay?”

She nodded and hugged her.  “Hmm, a heart to heart with Cordelia Chase.  The surprises just keep coming.”  She felt the other girl stiffen.  She pulled away.  “Hey, I was just kidding.”

She looked down.  “I know, but, could you not?”

Willow reached out and touched her face.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean ...”  
  
”I’m sorry too.”  She closed her eyes and leaned into the hand that cupped her cheek but pulled away after a few moments.

Willow’s hand dropped.  “Why’d you do that?”

“Willow, I think ...  I think we’re both really tired and we need to go to bed.”  She walked away into the bedroom.

Willow stood there for a few moments contemplating her actions.  Every time she and Cordy had a ‘moment’, something happened that sent them back further from where they started.  She followed into the bedroom a few minutes later, gathered her pajama’s and sat down on the edge of Cordelia’s bed.  She’d figured out a way to approach this.  “Cordy, can I ask you a question?”

She sat uP in bed.  “Sure.  Go ahead.”  
  
”Do you ... well, I was wondering if you felt, you know, funny, about us, kissing?”

“Funny how?”

She shook her head and got up.  “I don’t know how to explain it.”  She turned away and took off her shirt.  “I guess what I’m trying to say ...”  
  
”Oh my God!”  She gasped.

Willow turned around and saw the look on her face.  “What?  What’s wrong?”  She rushed over next to her.  “Cordy, what is it?”


	10. Chapter 10

He nodded and followed her into the room.  He’d have to be nuts to do this again.  He remembered the last time they slept together.  He woke up entangled in limbs that definitely weren’t his and had to stay in the shower for two hours that morning.  No, sleeping wasn’t the problem.  It was the waking up part that did him in.  To wake up next to her, smell her hair, feel how soft her skin was and the rhythmic breathing …

“Xand?  You coming?”

He shook himself out of his thoughts and climbed into bed next to her.

She snuggled in next to him and placed her hand on his chest.  “My bed’s bigger than your bed.” She whispered in a sing-song voice.  
  
He had to laugh.  “It’s not the size of the bed but what you do with it and that was so grade school by the way.”

She was rubbing tiny circles into his chest.  “Just being silly, I guess.”  
  
He noticed his breathing change.  “Yeah ... ha ha … barrel of laughs the Slayer is.”  
  
Her hand moved down to his stomach and she felt him go stock still.  “Xand?”

“Mmm?”  He managed.

“Do you think I’m attractive?”

He let out his breath.  “Of course!  Why do you ask?”

She looked up at him.  “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve pulled out everything I know to try and get you to kiss me and you still won’t do it.  Are you gay?”

He laughed nervously.  “No, Buffy, no.” He fell silent in thought for a moment.  “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.  It’s the best thing I have going for me and I don’t want to lose it.”

“What if I promised you that wouldn’t happen?  What if I told you that you’d never lose me, even if you tried really, really hard?”

“You can’t promise that.”  He said dryly.

She sat up and looked at him.  “I guess that wouldn’t be fair.”  She ran her fingers through his dark locks.  “I love you ... in a Xander way.”

He smiled.  “And I love you in a Buffy way.”

\--------------

“Will, your ... your back and your, your arms.”  
  
Willow’s head fell.  She’d almost forgotten about that.  Almost.  She was so worried about talking to Cordelia that she’d started to change in front of her absentmindedly.  “It’s not a big deal.”  She said, embarrassed.

She swung her feet out of bed and slid over next to Willow.  “But Will ...”  
  
”It’s okay, Cordy.  They don’t hurt.”  She shrugged.  “Not anymore anyway.”  She saw the concern on her face.  “It’s okay.  You can touch them.”  
  
Across Willow’s back were five long scar lines from her shoulders to her waist.  They were set in such a way that Cordelia could tell that it had been long, sharp nails that had done it.  Across her arms, right above both of her wrists was one long scar on each arm.  There were probably fifteen, even twenty smaller scars from stitches.  She gently touched the raised skin there.  “I didn’t know ...”  
  
”Only Giles does.  And the doctor he took me to after the attack.  I wouldn’t let any of the other watchers near me.  Finally, I agreed to go to a doctor, but only if Giles took me.  He took the first flight he could get.”

Cordelia looked at her back again and touched the scars there.   They were still raised and even the untrained eye could tell the attack had been recent.  Gently, she placed a light kiss on Willow’s shoulder.

She flinched.  “Cordy, don’t.”  She got up quickly and put her nightshirt on.

“Why not?”

“Cause it’s gross.  You shouldn’t ...”  
  
”It’s a part of you.  I don’t think you’re gross.  Far from it in fact.”  She stood and walked towards her.

Willow put her hand out to stop her.  “Answer me this one question.  I’ve been here for over three months and we’ve kissed a few times but when I think it’s going somewhere you stop.  Why?”

Cordelia reached out and took Willow’s hand in her own.  “Because I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want you to think I’m using you.  I, Willow ... I just want you to feel safe.  I feel like, if I push you too far, I’m going to hurt you and that’s the last thing I want.”  
  
Willow looked up at her.  “I came here because the Council was driving me insane!  All of a sudden they didn’t know what to say around me, they didn’t know how to act.  God, even Giles was walking on egg shells when I was around.”  She smiled.  “It’s sweet of you, really ... but I’m not made of glass, you’re not gonna break me.”  As if to demonstrate her point she kissed her.  It was firm and certain.  She ran her tongue along the edge of her lip and was met with a small gasp from the girl in front of her.  Willow pulled her in closer and entangled her fingers in thick, chocolate colored hair.  She broke the kiss and gave a little smirk.  “See?  I didn’t break.”  
  
She was taken back by the kiss.  She hadn’t been prepared for it or for the feelings it brought to the surface.  She blushed and whispered.  “Yeah, I see that now.”  She pressed her forehead against Willow’s.  “I’m just afraid.  I’ve never done this before and with all you’ve been through.”  She shrugged.  “I guess I’m scared of how you’ll react ... and I have scars too and I don’t just mean emotional ones.” She stepped back and pulled up her shirt.  There, Willow saw a thick line that was about three inches long.  Cordelia turned around and on her back was another scar, just as bad.

Willow whispered.  “From the mansion.”  
  
She nodded and walked back over to her.  “So I could never be grossed out from something that I have too.  It’s a part of me and will probably always be there.  Even after I get them removed.”  She leaned in and kissed her.  They’d had enough of talking enough of the ‘what if’s’ and worries.  She spoke to her through her kisses, through her touch. 

They somehow wound up on the bed.  As each kiss grew in intensity, Willow became suddenly panicked and pulled back for air.  “Cordy ... wait.”  
  
 “Okay.”  She stated simply.  “Nothing will happen unless you want it to.”  
  
Willow leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes.  After a few moments she whispered.  “Thank you.”

Cordelia leaned up and kissed her on the forehead.  “For what?”

“For letting me feel like I have a choice.  It means a lot.”

“You do.  Always.”  
  
Willow sighed and turned to her.  Tears were beginning to make an appearance.  “Cordy, I just want to feel better.  I want to be able to feel something, anything ... other than this tightness in my stomach all the time.  I feel so numb inside and I feel like if I just keep pushing along, someday I’ll be able to feel the good things again.  Do you know what I mean?”

She wiped a tear away and smiled.  “I do.  I think sometimes that it’s better to feel guilt or anger or even that knot in my stomach because it’s better than feeling nothing at all.”  She kissed her cheek.  “Wil, can you let me?  I mean, will you?”

She nodded and it was all the incentive Cordelia needed.  She kissed her with a growing passion and intensity that she’d hardly experienced before.  The kiss was designed to conquer and tame.  They each had their own demons to get under control and the thought that they could do it together, for each other, made her happy.

\----------

She looked at him.  Looked deep into his eyes and saw it.  That same look he had in high school.  The glittery ‘I worship the ground you slay on’ glint in his eye.  She thought for a moment and decided that he had never really lost it.  She bent down and placed a light kiss on his lips.  Maybe it was to seduce him, maybe it was because he was just Xander as always, and maybe it was for that look in his eye.  She really couldn’t decide and didn’t want to right at that moment.  She felt his hand come up and touch her shoulder.  Not to push her away, but to draw her in.  In one fluid movement, she straddled him and put all her weight on him, covering his body with her own.

 

He couldn’t believe this was happening. Kissing Buffy, Buffy on top of him, and Buffy’s hands in his hair, on his skin.  Every thought, every doubt, flew out of his head as she moved to lay on him.  She was tiny and weighed less than he’d ever imagined.  How a body like this took a beating night after night and still had the presence it had ... the thought sent a shiver down his spine.

She felt him shutter and broke the kiss.  “Is this ... okay?”  He’d forgotten how to speak, so he just nodded.  “Because as much as I want this, you’re right.  I don’t want to lose what we have.  I don’t want to hurt you, or us.”  
  
He touched her cheek.  “We’ll be okay.  I have a newsflash for you.”  He pulled her down and kissed her lightly.  “I fell for you a long time ago and I know you don’t feel the same.”  
  
”Xand ...”  
  
”Shh ... I need to say this.  So if this is what you want ... if this is what you need, then it’s yours.  If this is all I have to offer you ... the right now and for now, well then ... How can I deny you anything?”

“That’s so sweet, Xander.

”----------

Willow gave in to all the feelings coursing through her body.  She rose to each caress and got lost in each kiss.  This felt good, felt better than anything had in a long time and she wasn’t about to give in to the fear she knew would settle in later.  Having gone through what she had in the past year, it was about time she started feeling good, feeling loved.  She used a few well-placed touches of her own and when Cordelia responded it made her smile.  She’d done that, she made her feel good, her body was responding to the things that Willow did and she began to feel like she was in more control of things.   She held on to the body beside her like a lifeline.  If only somehow, someway she could feel safe again then everything would be alright.  Forever.

\------------

He smiled and pulled her into another kiss.  He felt more confident and in control.  With each kiss, each touch, he allowed himself to get lost in her.  He swam in her eyes and reveled at the softness of her skin.  It was the stuff that dreams were made of, his dreams.  She didn’t love him, not the way he’d desperately hoped she would, but she did love him in her own way ... she’d said she loved him in a Xander way and he supposed that it was good enough.  For now.


	11. Chapter 11

_She heard the sound.  Flesh being split.  She heard it before she felt it ... she wasn’t sure she was able to feel anything.  They were feeding off of her, trying to keep her weak.  She struggled even harder and began to scream.  She actually thought sound had come out of her throat ... she hoped._

_She opened her eyes and he was there.   He was grinning through those awful, twisted teeth.  He was larger in demon form, more ominous.  There was a black collar around his neck and black leather bindings on his wrists.  As much as the sight of him made her stomach roil, she memorized him, every feature, and every detail.  He’d pay for this ... and pay, and pay, and pay.  He covered her body with his own easily and she felt smothered and gasped for air.  She felt his coarse hands on her shoulders ... arms ... stomach ... waist ...  .leg.  Then she felt her skirt hike up and knew what was happening.  He laughed evilly at her struggling, it was no use._

_She screamed right into his face and he slapped her.  She tasted the blood, the metallic taste across her lips.  With one thrust he entered her and she screamed again._

“NOOOOOOOOO!”  She bolted up in bed and franticly looked around.

Cordelia was up in an instant.  “Wil!  Willow, what is it!?”  
  
She was breathing heavy.  Her legs were up and she was hugging them tightly, whispering to herself.  “Oh, God ... I remember, I remember, I remember ...”

Cordelia was at a loss.  She reached up and began to stroke Willow’s hair gently.  After a few moments, Willow leaned over into Cordelia’s embrace and sobbed like a frightened teenager.

\----------------

Xander was standing in the small kitchen, leaning against the counter.  All the lights were off and the street light from outside the window brought the shadows creeping across the floor.  He drank down the last of his water and let out a heavy sigh – the sun would be up soon.

He shook his head and smiled sadly.  She was gone.  He woke up in an empty bed, an empty room.  No note, no nothing.  It was 5am and he was alone.  He silently berated himself for not giving in.  They’d come so close, but he couldn’t go through with it, couldn’t give her what she needed.  She’d never asked him for anything, and the one thing he was able to give her, he didn’t.

She plastered herself against the wall.  She blended into the shadows and brought her hand up to run through her hair.  Her arm brushed the keys on the hook and she mentally kicked herself when she saw him jump.

He shifted into a defensive stance and looked around.  “Who’s there?”

She stepped out.  “It’s only me, Xander.”  
  
He relaxed a little.  “Buffy?  I thought you, I mean I woke up and you ...”  He shook his head.  “Where were you?”  
  
”I went on a little impromptu patrol.  Needed to get rid of some pent up energy.”  She laughed nervously.

He nodded.  “I see.”

They stood there and looked at each other, the awkward silence hovering in the air.

“Xander, I’m sorry.”  
  
”No, I should be sorry.”  He interrupted.  “I let you down.  The one thing you needed from me, I couldn’t give you.”

  
She crossed the room and stood in front of him.  “No, no you didn’t.  Just the opposite.  You made me realize that this isn’t what I really want.  I don’t know what I want.  I thought I did, but ...”

He took her into his arms.  “I wish there was something I could do.  You’re just not you lately ... you’ve been different, so sad.”  
  
She clung to his shirt.  “I know.  I’ve felt like this ever since ... God, ever since Willow left.”  Her voice took on a shaky tone.  “I didn’t think I could miss anyone so much.”  
  
”Yeah.  I haven’t held a steady job since she left.  Even though we didn’t hang like we used to, she still managed to give me some direction, some incentive to push myself.”  
  
She nodded.  “Now I’m just stand-still Buffy.  We used to talk all night in college.  Even though she didn’t have to, she’d go on patrol with me.  I’d have a horrible dream and there she was, sitting on my bed telling me it would be alright.  God, what I wouldn’t give to hear her say that.”  
  
He moved away from her and rushed into the living room.  “Why can’t we?  Let’s call her right now.  If we’re so miserable, then it’s only right that she be miserable too.  What are friends for?”  He grinned.

Buffy perked up.  “Yeah!”  She walked over and sat on the couch.  “Start dialing!”

\------------------

Willow blew her nose for the tenth time.  She took the glass of water from the nightstand and drank it down. 

“How are you?”  Cordelia was leaning against the door of the bedroom.

 “Better.”  She sat up and patted the spot next to her.  “Come over here.”  
  
She walked over slowly and climbed under the covers.

Willow touched her arm.  “Are you okay?”

She let out the breath she wasn’t aware of holding.  “Yeah, fine ... great.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through this.”  
  
Cordelia shook her head.  “No.  Don’t ever be sorry.  You’re the one going through it, again.”  
  
”I remember it.”  
  
”I heard you.”  
  
”It was awful.  I could still feel his hands grabbing me.  His body ...”  She shuddered.

Cordelia put her arm around her.  “You never remembered before? I’m sorry, you don’t want to talk about it, right?”

“No, it’s okay.  I remembered bits and pieces, but never this much.  Every time I dream it, I remember more and more.”  
  
”So you remember everything?”

“Yeah, I think.  I always remembered passing out right before ...”  
  
”Before you were attacked?”

Willow shook her head.  She’d never said it before, never had the courage.  It was only a word, one little four letter word, but it had this sickening power to it.  No word should ever have that much meaning, that much power over someone.  “No, before I was ... before I was raped.”  
  
She stiffened. 

Willow looked over at her.  “I’ve never said it before.  What happened to me?  I guess I thought if I didn’t say it, it was like it had never happened.”  
  
Cordelia felt a tear escape.  “I’m, God … what does someone say to that?”  
  
”Nothing I guess.”  
  
Cordelia hugged her.  “I’m sorry, Red.  I’m so sorry you had to go through that.  I didn’t know, I knew you were attacked but ...”  She pulled away.  “Oh, God … last night.”  
  
Willow knew what she meant.  “No.  Don’t even say it, Cordy.  I know what you’re thinking and don’t.  It’s okay.”  
  
”But I. . “  
  
”You made me feel loved.  You made me feel like I haven’t felt in a long time.”  She kissed her lightly on the lips.  “It was special.  For the first time in a long time I was thinking about what was happening in the now ... not in the past.”

“Oh.”

“Shh.  I was with you because I wanted to be ...  and I still want to be if you’ll have me, that is ... I mean I don’t want to go back to England just yet and I can still help you and Angel and living here is definitely an upside and.”  
  
Cordelia kissed her.  Babble mode would have to wait.  They snuggled down closer together, touching warm skin, soft hair.   The kisses grew more desperate, more passionate.  Cordelia could almost hear bells going off in her head.  Bells, bells, bells ...    “What the hell?” 

Willow laughed.  “Cordy, the phone.”  
  
”God!  It’s 6am.  If this is Angel, I’m gonna go out and buy him a tanning bed.”  She reached over and picked it up.  “Hello? ... God, do you know what time it is here?  ... six, as in the morning, as in ... yeah, she’s right here ... fine.”  She covered the phone and turned to Willow.  “It’s Giles.  He’s having a heart attack ... not literally, but.”  
  
She held out her hand.  “Cordy, the phone please?”  She kissed her quickly before taking it.  “Hello?”

“Willow, good, you’re there.”

“Where else would I be at six in the morning?  Did something happen?”

“No, no ... I just received a call from Xander.”  
  
She sat up.  “What?  Buffy, is Buffy okay?  Did something happen?”

“No, Willow.  I ... I don’t know how much longer I can keep them at bay.  As far as I know nothing has happened but they’re threatening to come here if I don’t have you call them.”

“God, this is just what I need.  I’ll call them this afternoon.”  
  
”They’re not ... they don’t sound right, Willow.  They said they were fine, but”  
  
”I’ll find out what’s going on.  I’ll call you tonight.”  
  
”Yes, that would be fine.  Take care.”  
  
”Bye, Giles.”  She hung up the phone and sat there for a few moments in thought.

“Something wrong?”

“No.  Xander and Buffy called Giles demanding to talk to me.  They said if I don’t call soon then they’re gonna fly out there and hunt me down themselves.”  
  
”God.  Obsess much?  You’re a big girl now, in college and everything ... you’d think they’d let go already.”  
  
”I’ve been dodging them, Cordy, it’s not their fault.  I left a few letters with Giles so he could mail them to Buffy and Xander but ...”  


“Well, it’s not your fault either that they can’t stand on their own four feet.”  
  
She laughed.  “I miss them too, but I think that it was the right decision to come here instead of going to them.”  
  
”You know, now that I think about it, why did you come here?  I’m not complaining, don’t get me wrong, but they’re your friends.”  
  
She kissed her.  “And so are you.  I’m not really sure why I didn’t insist on going there.  I put up a little fight with Giles, but ... I think maybe it’s because I’m embarrassed.  Buffy’s gone through so much, seen so much in her life, I just didn’t think it would be fair for me to show up on her doorstep and expect her to take care of me.  I needed to do this on my own, to prove that I can take care of myself.”  
  
”There’s nothing to be embarrassed of.”  
  
”I guess, but ... I know Buffy and Xander have this picture of me in their heads.  I’m the quiet hacker, the not so good with spells witch, the class nerd who could go to any school she wanted to.  When I was ... raped ... I felt like I not only failed myself, but I failed them too.  It was like if I was strong like Buffy I would have gotten out of it, or if I had the dumb luck and wit that Xander has it never would have happened ... or I would have talked my way out of it.”  
  
”But it’s not your fault.  You had no control over it.”  
  
”I know that, well, at least I know it now.”  Willow turned to her and looked at her seriously.  “Cordy, about Angel ...”  
  
”What about him?”

“Well, he was in England ... when it happened.  Remember the case he had where the guy took off?”  
  
”Yeah, he was gone for like two weeks ... he never told me where he was.  Why didn’t he tell me?  You saw him?”

“No.  He doesn’t know I know.  I remember waking up and someone was hovering over me, telling me it would be okay.  I was in and out of consciousness, but I saw him kill the vampires ... but I didn’t know it was him ...  I didn’t know until he called me ‘little one’, then I knew.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“No, not yet.  I wound up coming here because he called Giles out of the blue.  He said he was just checking in to see if he needed anything.  When Giles told me I put two and two together and figured out that he was checking up on me.  Giles told him about the attack and he insisted that I come here.  He even found the therapist I’m going to now.  Giles had her checked out and when he saw her credentials, he couldn’t refuse.”  
  
”Wow.  So stealth guy strikes again.”  
  
She laughed.  “He’s great.  I owe him so much.  You know, you guys really do work well together.”  
  
”Yeah, we kind of have a good working relationship, don’t we?”

“He cares about you.”

“Angel?  Yeah, as a boss, he’s great.”  
  
”No, I mean cares about you.”  
  
”No way.  Not Angel ... every time I turn around he’s still pining away over Buffy ... and have you seen his wardrobe lately?  Black, black and more black ... accented with a black duster and black boots.”  
  
”Cordy, he’s over it ... as over it as he’s gonna get, they both are.”

She shrugged.  “Angel is just ... always gonna be Angel I guess.”  She looked at her watch.  “God, it’s eight in the morning.”  
  
”Mmm, and Saturday.  What do you say we catch some more sleep?  I’m gonna need all the strength I can muster for that phone call this afternoon.”  
  
She smiled and pulled her down against the pillows.  “Is this okay?  I mean ...”  
  
”Fine.  It’s very snuggly ... I could get used to this.”  She kissed her on the cheek.

“Me too.  Night, Red.”  
  
”Night.”


	12. Chapter 12

“See?  I’ve said it before; I’ll say it again ... That would _never_ happen.”  
  
”I hope not.  Otherwise, we’d be hunting down a big ugly Mayor-Snake for the rest of our lives.”   Xander and Buffy spent most of the afternoon in front of the TV.  The worldwide cartoons versus real life debate had been going on for about an hour.  “All I said was that some of that stuff could happen ... not that it was possible to get blown up with acme TNT and still be walking around ... a little barbequed, but walking none the less.”

The phone rang and Buffy picked it up.  “Willow? . . oh, hi. . no, we’ll find something later.  Okay, bye.”  She turned back to Xander and frowned.  “Mom wanted to know if we wanted to come down for lunch.”  
  
”Oh.”  He sat back again and sighed.  “Think she’ll call?”

“I don’t know.  I hope so.  If not we’re on the next flight outta here.”  
  
”Buffy.  We have no money.  It would probably be more effective if we swam.”  
  
The phone rang again and Buffy picked it up.  “Mom I said we’d eat later and we’re waiting for a phone call.”

“Grumpy, grumpy.  And here I thought things would change while I was gone.”  
  
”Wil!”  She turned to Xander and bounced up and down on the couch.  “It’s Willow!  Willow, how are you are you okay and why haven’t you retuned my calls are they treating you alright how’s Giles?”

She laughed.  “Slow down, Buffy.  I’m fine.  I was on assignment in Wales.  Boring Watchery stuff you don’t want to hear about.  The Council is treating me fine and Giles is, well, he’s Giles.”

“I know.  Books in the morning, tea at noon and ...”  
  
”Scones after dinner.  Giles never changes.  So how are things in Sunnydale?  Any interesting creepies to report?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary ... but I don’t want to talk about Slayer stuff.  I want to talk about you.  Where have you been?  Has Giles been giving you my messages?”

“I’ve been busy.  Giles tells me when you call, I just have so much to do, so much to learn.”  
  
”Too busy for your friends?”  It came out harsher than she’d planned.  “Wil, I ...”  
  
”Do you think it isn’t hard for me to be away from you?”

“Wil, no, look I’m sorry ...”  
  
She sighed.  “I am too.”

“God, this isn’t what I planned on happening.”

“What did you plan on then?”  Her voice was level.

Buffy whispered to Xander.  “Stake me, please.”  He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she turned back to the phone.  “I just miss you, Wil.”  
  
”I miss you guys too.  You have to know how hard this is for me ... being away from you.”  She paused.  “and Xander.”

“I know.  Will you come visit soon?”

Willow expected the question but didn’t know how much it would affect her when she actually heard the words.  “Buffy, I ...”  
  
”I know, you’re really busy.”  She sighed.  “Here, I’ll let you talk to Xander.”  
  
”No, Buffy ... wait!”  
  
”Wils?  Is this my favorite redhead of all time?”  He tried the chipper approach.

“Xander, I’m your only redhead ...  unless Anya has dyed her hair.  How are you?”

“Okay, trying to keep busy.  Anya’s not around anymore ... she left about three months ago.”  
  
”Xander, I’m sorry ... I didn’t know.”  
  
”No, I guess you wouldn’t.  I mean you’re so busy and everything with Watcher stuff and your studies ...  how’s the magic?”  He knew he was treading into unsafe waters and tried to change the subject before he wound up in Buffy’s shoes.

“Good.  I have a mentor now.  I’m already at the intermediate level.  Xander, you have to know that I miss you guys.”

“I know.  And I know what you’re doing is important ... for your future.  I just miss Bronzing with you and going for ice cream and, someone check my temperature, but I even miss the all night research parties.”  
  
She laughed.  “So do I.”  
  
Silence.

“Let me give you back to Buffy.”  
  
”Is she there?”

“No.  She went into the bedroom for a sec.  Why?”

“Is she okay, Xander?  She doesn’t sound, I don’t know, Buffyish.”  
  
”She misses you, Wil.  We both do.”  He said quietly.

“Can you put her on?”

“Sure.  You’d better call again soon though.  I want to hear about any action you’ve had.”  
  
”I will, Xand.”  
  
”Hang on.”  He paused a moment. “I love you Wil.”  
  
Before she could respond, she heard him put the phone down.  _Same old, Xander_.

“Hello?”  A meek little un-Slayer-like voice came across the line.

“Buffy.  I miss you, so much.  I know how hard this is for you because it is for me to.  Please, let’s not fight.”  
  
”Wil, I’m sorry.  This is so hard ... I didn’t think it would be so ...”  She cleared her throat to keep it from cracking.  “hard.”

Willow felt a warm arm come across her shoulders.  She smiled over at Cordelia and whispered a thanks.  “I know ... and I’ll come for a visit soon. I won’t promise you when, but I will.”  
  
”Really?”  There was a little hope in her voice.

Willow noticed it.  “Yes, really.  I miss you and I think the Council owes me some time off for how hard I’ve been working lately.”

“That would be amazing, Wil.  We could go to the Espresso Pump, only decaf for you though, then we could rent some movies and have a pajama party then ...”  
  
”Hey!  I haven’t even asked yet.  Don’t make any plans until I get the okay.”  She laughed a little.  “I have to get going.  There’s a meeting and I can’t be late.”  
  
”Okay ... call again soon?”

“I will, Buffy. Take care of yourself.”  
  
”You too, Wil.”

“Bye.”  She hung up the phone.

“I love you.”  Buffy said into an empty receiver.

\--------------

Willow sighed and slumped over to snuggle next to Cordelia on the couch.  “That was so not fun.”  
  
”That bad?”

Well, all things considered ... she’s not bleeding or missing any limbs, Xander was surprisingly level headed ...  I wonder if he’s been hit with any blunt objects lately?”

Cordelia laughed.  “So Sunnydale is just as we left it.”  
  
Willow nodded.  “Mmm.  I should go, you know.”  
  
”Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

She shrugged.  “It wouldn’t hurt.  I do miss them and I hated playing human dodge ball when we were there.”  
  
”If that’s what you want.”  Cordelia got up from the couch and went to the kitchen.

Willow frowned at being left alone and headed off after her.  “Cordy?”

“Are you hungry?  I’m starved.”  She opened the fridge and poked around.  “There’s nothing in here.  Feel like pizza?”  She looked up innocently.

Willow crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.  “You don’t want me to go.”  
  
She stood up.  “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t not say it either.”

She shrugged, reached on top of the fridge and grabbed a menu.  “So pizza or Chinese?”

Willow walked over and took the menu from her.  “Why don’t you want me to go?”  She put her resolve face on.

“I do want you to, and I know you miss them, I just ...” She walked a pace away and hugged herself.  “I guess I’ve gotten used to having you around, that’s all.”

Willow stepped behind her and pulled her close.  “Could you be a little less with the vague?”  Willow smiled into her hair before placing a kiss on her neck.

Cordelia leaned into her arms and felt slender arms encircle her waist.  “I’ll miss you.” She whispered.

“There now, was that so hard?” She kissed her ear.  “I’ll miss you too ... but you’ve had me here for six months and I haven’t seen them in almost 2 years.”

“I know, Red.” She turned around to face her.  “I know.”

Willow smiled.  “I won’t be gone long.  Maybe just Friday until Sunday night.”

Cordelia put her head down and nodded.  “Okay.”

Willow caught her chin in her hand.  “Cordy, we know this isn’t forever.  I have to go back to England soon, not now but soon.  This was the last think I expected when I got here, but it’s nice.  Let’s just enjoy it while we can. Okay?”  Not giving her any choice, Willow leaned in and kissed her gently.  She pulled back a little when she felt something wet touch her cheek.  “Cordy.” She sighed.

“I know; I know ... who’d have guessed Cordelia Chase would be crying over a computer geek ... but I am.  You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, Red, and I’ll be sad to let you go.”  She sniffled and kissed her lightly.  “But I know you have a life in England and I know you have best friends that miss you.  So I’ll be brave.”

Willow smiled and took her by the hand.  She began to walk towards the bedroom.  “You know; I don’t have to leave until next weekend.” She stopped and gave her a shy smile.  “We could make the most of our time before I have to go.  Couldn’t we?”

Cordelia caught her drift.  “Willow Rosenberg, I never would have guessed.”

“Guessed what?”

Cordelia took the lead and pulled her into the bedroom.  “That you, of all people, would be a nymphomaniac!”

Willow laughed as she pulled her in for a kiss.  “It’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for you know.”  She shut the door firmly with her foot.

 

_Later in the evening_

Cordelia was lighting a fire in the living room when she heard footsteps behind her.  “What are you doing up?”  She said without turning around.

“I’m more of a night person.”  
  
She turned.  “Angel!”

“I used the spare key.  I hope it’s okay.  I just wanted to drop this off to you.  I won’t be in the office until tomorrow afternoon and you need to drop them at the notary in the morning before work.  They’ll be expecting you.”

Cordelia eyed the bedroom door nervously.  “Uh ... ok” She took the papers and hustled him towards the door.  “Thanks ... I’ll drop them off before I go in.  Night!” She smiled.

He gave her a curious look.  “Cordelia, you have company, don’t you?”

“Um, no.  Why do you ask?”

“You’re shoving me out the door.”  He made a move to go towards the living room, but she stepped in front of him.  He turned quickly and peered down the hall at the bedroom.  He noticed a red mane of hair poking out from under the covers.

“It’s not what you think.”    
  
He shook his head.  “I don’t think I want to think about what’s going on.”  
  
”Angel it’s ... complicated.”    
  
“I don’t want to know.”  He sighed and gave her a sad look.  “Just ... just take care of each other.”  
  
She nodded and he walked out the door.

“Is someone here?”  Willow called from the bedroom.

“No ... I was checking the mailbox.  Angel left me some paperwork.  That’s all.”  She leaned against the front door and looked up.  “Ugh, why me?” She whispered.

\--------------

The rest of the week flew by.  There were six births and five bus loads between Monday and Friday – a new record.  Willow left the office early to attend another therapy session then headed back to Cordelia’s to pack.  She finished with about a half hour to spare.

Cordelia walked in the front door.  “Willow?  You still here?”

“I’m here.”  She called from the kitchen.  “I just called a cab.”  
  
”No way.  I’ll drive you.”

She walked out into the living room.  “No.  It’s alright, Cordy.  I’d rather say goodbye to you here.”  
  
”You’re only going for the weekend you know.”  
  
Willow looked down at her feet, embarrassed.  “I know.  That’s what I keep telling myself.”  
  
She laughed a little.  “Welcome to my shoes.  So, how do they fit?”

Willow smiled and hugged her.  “Too well.”  She sniffled.  “It’s only a weekend.  I’ll be back on Sunday night.” 

“I’ll pick you up.”  
  
Willow nodded.  A car horn sounded outside.  “That’ll be for me.”  
  
Cordelia gave her one last squeeze and pulled back.  “Have a good trip.  Call me if you get a chance.”  
  
Willow leaned in and kissed her.  “I will.  I promise.”  She whispered.  She grabbed her backpack – Angel had thankfully bought her a new one after the incident with Xander – and headed out the door.

Cordelia watched her get in the car and drive off.  They waved to each other until the car was out of site, then she went back inside for some hot chocolate Dennis made her and a good cry. 

 ------------

  Willow arrived at the heli-port within an hour.  She planned on surprising Buffy and Xander.  The cab driver gave her a curious look when she asked him to drop her off at the cemetery and she just chuckled to herself.  Walking through the sea of headstones, she heard distinct battle noises coming from beyond the last bunch of bushes.  Not wanting to intrude, she squatted down and watched.

“Buff!  Over here!”  Xander called out from under a vamp.

She was on him in no time and Xander was left under a pile of dust.  She helped him up and he coughed.  “Next time, you be the bait!”  
  
”Oh, yeah.  And what are you gonna do?”  
  
”I’m gonna slay some undead butt!”  He noticed her expression and shook out his hair.  “Fine.  Just call me squid.   I’m gonna go catch a shower.  You okay to patrol alone?”

“Fine, Squid.  I’ll see you in about an hour.”    
  
They hugged and Buffy started to walk in Willow’s direction.  She passed right by the bushes Willow was hiding behind and stopped cold about four feet away.  “Okay.  I know you’re in there.  Come out so we can get this over with.  I don’t want to miss my favorite show tonight.”  She said without turning around.

Willow stood up and couldn’t help but smile.  “Since when are you such a couch potato?”  
  
Buffy whipped around, mouth wide open and pointed at her. 

“Well?  Are you gonna stand there and catch flies, or do I get a hug?”  She dropped her backpack.  “I didn’t come all this way to watch you do mime.”  
  
”Ohmygodwillow!”  She squeaked out before closing the gap between them.  Their contact was so sudden that they both overcompensated and fell to the ground in a fit of giggles.  “When did you get here?”  Buffy had a firm grip on both her arms.

“I just flew in.  I figured you’d be patrolling so I took a cab and you wouldn’t believe the look I got from the driver.  Ah, Sunnydale, everyone is a clueless as always.  Good to know.”  She smiled.

Buffy pulled her into another hug.  “Xander is gonna have a cow when he sees you.  You just missed him.”

She smiled.  “I know.  I was gonna come out sooner but he took off.”  
  
Buffy pulled back and looked her over.  “I can’t believe you’re here.”  
  
”Me either.  It’s been a long time.”  She got up and put her hand out to Buffy.  “Come on.  We have some catching up to do and I’m only here until Sunday night.”  
  
\-----------

“... so then he quite that job and has been perfecting the couch stain look ever since.”  Buffy had filled Willow in on almost everything on the walk back.  They climbed the stairs and Buffy stopped before she opened the door.  “It might be a little messy.”  
  
”Living with Xander, I don’t doubt it.”  She smiled.  “It looks good from her though.  I still couldn’t believe it when you told me this was your mom’s idea.”  
  
She nodded.  “She loves Xander like he was her own.”  She put her key in the door and walked in.  “Xander!”  
  
”In the shower.  I’ll be out in a sec.”  He called from the bathroom.

She smiled at Willow and yelled back at him.  “You’ll never guess what I found on patrol tonight.”  
  
The door opened and he walked out in boxers, with a towel over his head.  “Whatever it is, we’re not keeping it.  No.”  He looked up and shock settled in his face.  “pets.”    
  
Willow giggled then waved.  “Hi!”  Color crept into her cheeks when she noticed what he was, or wasn’t, wearing.

Buffy laughed and put her arm around Willow.  “She’s real, Xand.  Moveable parts and everything and I think she’s housebroken.  Sure you don’t want to keep her?”

“Wil!  Willow!”  He pointed at her.  “Willow’s here and” He looked down and put the towel around his waist.  “I’m kinda naked.”  He gave her a goofy grin before crossing the room to hug her.

She wiggled after a few moments.  “Xander, you’re still wet!”

“Sorry.”  He held her at arms distance and gave her the once over.  “You look good!  I see England has done wonders for your complexion.”  He pulled her into a hug again.  “Pale as a sheet ... just like I remembered!”  
  
”Xander ... pants!”  She ordered.

He gave her a hurt look.  “Geez, and just when I thought this was gonna be a fun visit.”  He walked into his bedroom and shut the door.

Willow shook her head.  “He never changes.”  
  
Buffy agreed.   “Nope.  Not our Xander.  You want something to drink?  You must have had a long trip.”   
  
“Sure.”  She took her coat off and hung it up by the door.  “It was a pretty long trip.”  She turned around and noticed that Buffy was looking at her funny.  “What?”

She handed her a glass and motioned to the couch.  “Are you taking fashion tips from Angel now?”

Willow sat down and smiled.  “No.  I have to be inconspicuous, that’s all.  I can’t be running all over England with flashy colors and a sign that says ‘hey, I’m a Watcher in training, ask me how’!”  She settled back and relaxed.  “I’ve gotten used to it.  Besides, it’s warm.”  
  
Xander came out of the bedroom and looked at them on the couch.  He opened his mouth to say something, but Willow cut him off.

“Don’t say it, Xander.”  She held out her arm.  “Would you like to check for a pulse?”  
  
He reached out and took her arm.  “Yeah, it’s there.”   He grinned and flopped down next to her.

“I can’t believe you’re here.”  Both Buffy and Xander said at the same time.  They all laughed.

Willow noticed Xander give Buffy a look, and before she knew it, she’d turned into a Willow sandwich.  “Guys ... air ... lungs.”  
  
Buffy pulled away.  “Sorry.”  
  
Xander was still hugging her from behind.  “Well I’m not.  I got my Wils back and there ain’t no way I’m letting her go.”  
  
”You’ll have to let go sometime, Xand.  She’s going back Sunday night.”  
  
He frowned and turned her to him.  “Say it ain’t so.”  
  
”Sorry, Xander.  I’m on temporary leave.  I’m lucky they gave me this long ... I almost had to go back tomorrow for a meeting.”  
  
”Meeting shmeeting ... they’re a bunch of slave drivers.”  Buffy chimed in.

“Okay guys ... I’m here ... let’s talk about stuff other than the council.  I live it day and night and I want to make the most of the time I have with you.”  
  
They agreed.  Xander volunteered to go get a movie and pizza while Buffy and Willow got ready for a long night of catching up.

\------------

“... It went this far just recently.”  
  
He nodded, but didn’t turn to face her.

“Angel.”  
  
”Do you know why she’s here?”

“Yes.  She told me everything _before_ anything happened.”  
  
He turned back to her.  “I just don’t understand how ...”  He shook his head.  “She has to go back soon.”  
  
”I know.”  


“Soon.”    
  
“I know, Angel.  God!  Must you rain on my parade?  Look, were both in this with our eyes open.”  
  
He looked at her a moment then nodded.  “Okay.”  He walked to the door and let himself out.

\------------------

Buffy and Willow were sitting on the couch watching the end of the movie.  Xander hit the sack early because he had an interview in the morning at a construction company.  The movie ended and Buffy yawned.  “That was good, don’t you think?”  She looked over at the form leaning against her and realized she was talking to herself.  “Gee, look who still can’t make it through an entire movie late at night.” 

Willow stirred a little then snuggled closer.  “Mmm ... warm.”  She mumbled.

Buffy looked down at her friend’s smiling sleeping face.  She touched her arm and woke her.  “Wil?  Come on ... let’s go to sleep, in a bed I mean.”  
  
She blinked and looked up startled.  “Buffy!  I’m sorry, I must have fallen asleep.”  
  
”It’s okay.  It looked like you were dreaming about something, or someone.  You were smiling.”  
  
She sat up and yawned.  “Was I?  I don’t remember.”  She got up and went to her backpack.   Grabbing some pajamas, she went to the bathroom and emerged a few minutes later and sat back down on the couch.  “I’m really tired.  I think I’m gonna fall asleep again really fast.”  She spread out on the couch and sighed.

“You don’t have to sleep here, Wil.  You can have my bed.”  
  
”Don’t be silly.  I don’t want to put you out of your own room.”  
  
”Then we’ll compromise.  The bed is big enough for the two of us.”  She got up and put her hand out.  
  
Too tired to argue, she got up and followed Buffy to her room.


	13. Chapter 13

A man picked up the phone a continent away.  “Hello?”

“It’s me.”  
  
”And?”

“She’s here.”

“I thought as much.”  The line was silent.  “Can you handle this?”

He sighed.  “I don’t have much of a choice, now do I?  Every time I do it I feel like I’m betraying them.”

“You know what the consequences are.  They mustn’t be allowed to do this.  Not yet.”  
  
”I just can’t wait until this is over so I can crawl to them on my hands and knees begging for their forgiveness.”  
  
”It won’t come to that, but if it does, you’re not in this alone.  I’m as much to blame as you are.”

“Gee, I’ll try to take comfort in that.”  His voice was level.

“If you’re not up to it, then ...”  
  
”No, I am.  I’m an old hand at this, remember?  Besides, what are you gonna do?  Hop on a plane and do it yourself?”

“Quite true.  Do you still have the crystal?”

“Yeah.”  
  
”Wait until tomorrow night, then you know what to do.”

“I hope this is over soon.  If the guilt doesn’t kill me then they will for sure.”  
  
”Take care of yourself, and them.  I’m counting on you.”  
  
”As always.”    
  
Xander Harris hung up the phone and sat on his bed.  He placed his head in his hands and sighed.  The most frightening statement of the entire conversation repeated itself in his head.  _If the guilt doesn’t kill me then they will for sure_.

He reached into his shirt and pulled out a black cord with a teardrop crystal attached to it.  It all came down to this – it was the bain of his existence since the summer after they all graduated – the summer his life changed forever.  Well, it would all be over soon.  That thought was the only thing that kept him going this long.

\--------------

“Buffy?"

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?  I mean ... is everything alright with you?  You didn’t sound like yourself when we talked last week.”  
  
Buffy sighed and turned on her side to face Willow.  “I’m okay.  Nothing new, I’m just a little lonely sometimes I guess.”  
  
Willow turned her head.  “I’m sorry.”  
  
”No, Wil, it’s not your fault.”  
  
She shrugged.  “I miss you, you know.  More than you realize.”  
  
Buffy smiled and reached over to hug her.  “I miss you too, Wil.”  She whispered.  “I never thought I could miss someone so much.”  
  
”You’ll have to come visit me soon.”  She said through a yawn.  “England is beautiful.”  
  
She pulled back a little.  “I can imagine.  I still can’t get over it – you, big Oxford girl, soon to be Watcher.”  
  
”But I’m still me.”  
  
Buffy brushed a strand of hair away from her face.  “Yup, same old Willow.  Only a little older.”

Willow blushed a little and pulled away.  “We should go to sleep.”

Buffy wasn’t sure what was going through her mind, but it had to stop quickly.  This was Willow.  Her best friend, shy hacker and future witch extraordinaire.  “I’m sorry Wil.  I don’t know what came over me.”  She leaned back against the pillows and sighed.

“It’s okay, I’m just ... jumpy from the plane ride I guess.”  
  
They both laid there for a long time, deep in thought.  So many things went unspoken that night.  And so many questions went unanswered.  Buffy wondered about what exactly came over her to feel like that for Willow – even if it was only for a brief moment.  There were so many hazy images in her mind, like she’d felt like this before, but long ago.  As she drifted to sleep, fragments of pictures flashed in her mind.  A plane ride ... a sunrise ... a foreign place she’d never seen before ... The Grotto on New Years Eve ... mistletoe ...

Chat room ... a tiny Christmas tree ... Camelot ... a fire-demon’s lair ... all the images blurred together and Willow couldn’t figure out where they’d come from.  She remembered when they came up against the fire demon and she was burned, but nothing significant stood out in her mind.  She recovered at Giles’ house and was back at the dorm within a month.  Buffy visited her every day to keep her in good spirits after they had that little fight about Buffy blaming herself for it all ... and Xander was there every day too so he could drop off her homework.  And doing spells with Tara ... why was she suddenly thinking about Tara and the time they spent together in college?

And what was with Buffy anyway?  She wasn’t acting like herself on the phone and that whole awkward moment just now.  Willow had enough experience with Cordelia to know when something was going to happen – and she’d stopped it.  For the life of her she couldn’t figure out why ...

\-------------

Willow was utterly exhausted.  She was dragged around all day by Buffy and Xander to the mall, then The Grotto, the Espresso pump and they finally ended up at the Bronze.

Buffy was sitting next to Willow laughing at Xander.  “He never changes.”  
  
Willow laughed too.  “Do you think that’s some odd interpretation of the Snoopy dance he always does?”

Xander made his way over to the couch.  “I don’t know about you ladies, but I’m beat.  I think I’m gonna head back to the house.  Coming?”

Buffy shook her head.  “I think we’ll hang out a little longer.  You up for it, Wil?”

“Sure.  Not too long though.”  
  
Xander waved and headed out the door.

“You’re right, Buffy.  I don’t think he’ll ever change.”  
  
She nodded.  “He’s been great.  We’ve gotten really close since we moved in together and you left.”  Buffy looked over at her.  “Wil, I didn’t mean ...”  
  
”I know.  It’s okay.”  She smiled and put her hand on Buffy’s arm.  “It’s hard, I know that.  You guys need each other for support.”  
  
”I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, Wil.  I just can’t seem to do or say anything right.”    
  
Willow took Buffy’s hand and squeezed it.  “How about I go on a quick patrol with you and we get some ice cream?”

“Okay.” She got up and put her hand out to Willow.  “Come on ... the quicker I dust, the quicker I get chocolate chocolate chip.”  
  
They walked through the cemetery for the third time.  “Nothing.  Nobody wants to come out and play with me tonight.”  Buffy crossed her arms and frowned.

Willow looked at her and laughed.  “What?  I’m not a good enough playmate for you?  I could always catch the next plane to England.”  
  
Buffy gasped and walked over to her.  “Wil, no!  You wouldn’t do that.  Would you?”

“Buffy, no, relax.  I’m not leaving yet.”  She hugged her.  Something was definitely going on.  “What’s wrong with you?”  She whispered.

Buffy shrugged and tightened her grip around Willow’s waist.  “I don’t know, Wil.  I’m just not myself lately.”  She sighed.  “I just miss you.”  
  
Willow smiled.  “You keep saying that.”  
  
She pulled away, hurt.  “I’m sorry, if you don’t want to hear it then ...”  
  
”That’s not what I meant and you know it.”  Willow frowned and pulled her back into a hug.  “I miss you too.  That’s why I’m here.”

“God, Wil ... when you left, I didn’t realize ... I didn’t know how much I depended on you ... then you were gone and.”  
  
”Shh ... I know.”  She whispered.  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?  I would have come.”  
  
”You shouldn’t have to jump on a plane every time I turn into miss insecurity.”  
  
Willow looked at her and smiled.  “But I would have.”

“Really?”

She nodded.

The realization at how beautiful Willow really was crossed Buffy’s mind right before she leaned in and kissed her.  Willow stiffened a little then relaxed into the kiss.  It wasn’t so much just one kiss but a bunch of light touches and brushes with their lips.  Her stomach fluttered and she pulled Buffy in closer, if that was at all possible.

A noise broke off any further exploration.  Buffy’s eyes shot open and she gazed behind Willow.

“What is it?”  Willow whispered.

“I don’t see anything.” She reached into her jacket and pulled out a stake.  “Don’t move.  I’ll be right back.”  She handed another stake to her.  “Keep out of it.  If it gets ugly, run.”  
  
Before she had a chance to say anything, Buffy was off into the night.  Willow watched her until she couldn’t see her anymore.  She walked over to the nearest tree and sat down.  “Great, just great.”  She whispered to herself.  “Kissing Buffy ... genius!”  She put her head on her knees.

A noise startled her and she looked up.  “Xander?”  She scrambled to her feet.  “What are you?”

“I can be stealthy when I wanna be.”  He smiled at her, a little sadly she noticed, and reached into his shirt for the crystal.  “Here.  I wanna show you something ...”  
  
\----------------

Cordelia slammed the phone down.  “Damnit!  Where the hell is she?”

Angel looked up from his book and smirked.  “Probably having a good time.  You really shouldn’t be calling her you know.  What if Buffy or Xander picks up?”

“It’s her cell phone, Angel ... I’m not stupid.”  He glanced at her.  “Don’t say it vampire.  Just don’t.”

He smiled and returned to his reading.

\-------------

“Xander?  I thought you were heading back to the house.”  Buffy approached them about ten minutes after she’d left.

“I figured you’d be on patrol and I thought you could use a hand.  Our Wil here has been outta action so long and ...”  
  
”Hey!  Do you really think they don’t have vampires in England?”  She punched him in the arm.

Buffy laughed.  “English vampires ... now that’s interesting.”  
  
Xander smiled.  “Yeah, can you imagine?  ‘Pardon me, would you mind if I had you for dinner?’”

Willow shook her head.  “Keep your day job, guys.  Trust me.”  
  
They began the short walk back to the house.  Buffy fell in step behind them and observed Willow and Xander making small talk.  She was berating herself over the kiss.  It just happened out of the blue – it wasn’t like she planned it.  Kissing Willow.  It should have frightened her half to death but the feeling was ... oddly familiar.

“You there Buffy?”

She looked up and saw that they had reached the house.  “Present and accounted for.”  She smiled.

They walked in and Willow headed straight for the couch.  Buffy went to sit down next to her but Xander intercepted.  “Buff – can I see you for a sec?”

She nodded and followed him into the bedroom.

Willow’s cell phone rang.  “Hello?”

“Red.”  
  
”Cordy, hi!  Did something happen?”  She whispered.

“No, I just wanted to talk to you ...  that’s all.  Having fun?”

“Yeah.  We just got back from patrol.  They’ve dragged me all over the place today.  Good thing my parents don’t live here anymore otherwise I’d have to do a spell to split myself in two.”  
  
”Now that could be fun!”  
  
Willow giggled.  “Cordy, stop!  Big, evil, vampire me was so not fun.  Remember?”

“I know, I know.  So when do you get back tomorrow?”

“I think I should get there around seven.”  
  
”Good.  I’ll be there to get you then.”  
  
”I gotta go.  Buffy and Xander will be back any minute.”

“Okay.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”  She paused.  “Wil, I ... I”  
  
”I miss you too.”  She smiled.

“Yeah.  Bye.”  
  
”Bye.”

\-----------

Cordelia hung up the phone and there was a knock at the door.

“Angel?”

“Hope you don’t mind.”  He stepped in.  “You talk to Willow?”

“Yeah, she’s fine.  She’ll be back tomorrow around seven.”  She smiled.

“Cordelia, “  
  
”Angel, don’t.  I know what you’re gonna say and I really don’t want to go through it again with you.”  
  
”I was gonna say there’s something going down, something big.” 

“Sorry.” 

“I just got a call from Spike.”  
  
”Oh, God.  He never calls you ... this must be really big.”  
  
Angel nodded.  “There’s something going down with the Council.  I don’t think Giles knows and I’m not gonna tell him until I know more.”  He hesitated, then continued.  “Willow may be involved.  Not in a bad way, but ... she may be in danger.”  
  
Cordelia stood expressionless.  “Angel.”  
  
”I don’t know, Cordy.  I don’t know if she’s gonna be okay.  I’ll do everything I can to protect her, she means as much to me as ...  “He didn’t finish.

“As much as anyone who’s ever saved your soul.  Buffy being at the top of your list.”  She shook her head and started to walk away.

“Actually, I was gonna say you.”

She stopped and turned.  “Angel, what do you mean?”  She was totally confused.

He crossed the room and looked at her for a long moment.  “I’m not saying anything that you can’t understand if you’d just open your eyes a little wider.”  He looked at her again and crossed the room to the door, letting himself out.

\---------------

“Take care of yourself.”  Willow was hugging Xander for the tenth time.  “And Buffy.  I’m worried about her.”  She whispered in his ear.

“I will, don’t worry.”  He pulled back and gave her a sad smile.

She turned to Buffy.  “Well.”  She shrugged.

“Yeah.  You’d better get going.”  She was staring at her feet.

Willow reached out and put her hand on Buffy’s shoulder.  “You’ll come for a visit.  Promise?”

Buffy looked up with tears in her eyes and nodded.  She pulled her into a fierce hug and let out a sob.  “It was too short.  You weren’t here long enough.”  
  
”I know.  I’ll call when I get back.”  She pulled away with tears brimming in her own eyes.  She looked up and the pilot was waving at her to climb aboard.  “I gotta go now.”  
  
”I’ll miss you.”  
  
”I love you.  Never forget that.”    
  
Buffy didn’t get a chance to answer.  Willow ran off to the helicopter and climbed on.  As she ascended into the air, she waved at them.  Xander waved back but Buffy stood there with her arms wrapped around herself looking down at the ground.  _I love you to, Wil_.

\----------

She was pacing by the fence when the helicopter landed.  So many muddled things were running through her mind.  How she felt about Willow, Angel in all his crypticness.  What exactly was he trying to tell her?  Was Willow right when she said he cared for her?

“Well that’s not a happy face.”

Cordelia looked up.  “Hey.  How have you ...”  she was cut off by a kiss.  She wrapped her arms around Willow’s waist and smiled.  “been.”  
  
”Better now.”  Willow smiled into her hair.

“You’re not gonna be better for long.”  Cordelia pulled back and worry washed across her face.  “Something’s up with the Council ... Angel’s on it.  He got a call from Spike last night.”  
  
Willow sighed.  “Never a dull moment.”  She let her go and pulled out her cell phone.  “Let’s see what’s going on.”  
  
”Wil, I don’t think Angel’s talked to Giles yet.  You shouldn’t call him.”  
  
”I’m not calling Giles.  I have contacts.”  She dialed the phone and stepped a few paces away.  “Hello?  Yes, looking for news on the home front ... I see ... are you sure?  Fine ... no, I’m in the states ... yes.  Thank you.”  Willow closed the phone and sat down at the nearest bench.

Cordelia sat down next to her.  “Is it bad?”

She stared off into space for a few minutes before responding.  “Something’s got the demon population running scared.”

“Do they know what it is?”

She shook her head.  “Something about a prophesy.”  Cordelia gave her a worried look.  “Not now.  He said it was going to happen in three years and the events of the prophesy were going to trigger another bigger one.  Like a domino effect.”  Willow looked over at her and took her hand.  “Cordy ...”  
  
She looked up at her.  “You have to go back.”

Willow nodded.  “It’s my job ... or it will be.  It’s what I went all the way out there for and not that I know about it, I can’t ignore my ...”  
  
”Willow, it’s okay.  You don’t have to justify yourself to me.” She leaned over and kissed her gently.  “When?” 

Willow reached up and touched her face.  “Tomorrow night.”  
  
Cordelia gasped.  “Tomorrow!  That’s … that’s,”  She closed her eyes.

“I know.”  Willow closed the gap between them and hugged her.  “What do you say we go home and make the most of the time we have left?”

\-----------------

“Angel ... Cordy told me.  I made a call and it’s a prophesy.”  
  
He paced back and forth in his apartment, listening to her on speaker phone.  “Yeah, I just talked to Spike again.  Something’s got him spooked.”  
  
”Spike spooked?  Now I’m wigged.”  She sighed and looked over at Cordelia sitting on the couch.  “Angel, I’m going back tomorrow night.”  
  
”I figured you would.”  
  
”I need you to do me a favor.”

“I’ll take care of her, Willow.  I promise.”

She gave a sigh of relief.  “Thank you.  If I don’t see you before I leave, thank you for everything.  I don’t know what I would have done without you two these past couple of months.”  
  
”No need to thank me.  Just returning the favor.  Tell Cordelia I can handle things tomorrow by myself.  Okay?”

“Thanks Angel.  You’re the best vampire a girl could ever have.”  
  
He chuckled.  “Take care of yourself little one.  I’ll see you soon.”  
  
”Bye.”  She smiled and hung up the phone in the kitchen.  Slowly she walked over to the fireplace and built a fire.  Cordelia observed her, but didn’t move.  Willow disappeared into the bedroom and brought out a two comforters and all the pillows and laid them down in front of the fire.  She walked over and stood in front of Cordelia.  This was hard, harder than either one of them had imagined it would be.  They’d come to mean different things to each other – much different than they’d ever expected.

“Cordy.”  Willow whispered.

She looked up and a tear fell down her cheek.  Despite the knowledge that this may be the last time she looked at her like this, she smiled and got up from the couch.  “The cheerleader and the hacker ... who would’ve thought?”

Willow leaned in and kissed her.  “No thinking.”  _Kiss_.  “No talking.”  _Kiss_.  “Just us.”  _Kiss_.

“No complaints here.”


	14. Epilogue

They came together that night again and again.  Without words, they both told each other it was the last time.  Life awaited them, and love, although neither one of them knew it yet.  Both still had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of lessons to be learned. 

 Willow cried in Cordelia’s arms.  She swore to herself that night that she’d have to be strong from here on out, but on this night and this night alone she’d allow herself to be the frightened victim and the one who needed comfort. 

 Cordelia cried with her.  She knew what she was losing and with that lose she knew she was gaining something too.  A friend she never had before and she never realized just how valuable this friendship was until it was just being taken from her.  Life’s that way sometimes.

 Hours afterward, as she boarded the plane bound for England, Willow took a small ring out of her pocket and placed it on her finger.  She bravely wiped the tears away and sat down in her seat.  It would be the last time she'd cry for three years, the last time she'd feel anything significant.  She had a job to do and a life to lead - no use in crying over someone you've let go and someone else you'll never have.  That second thought made her shutter but she quickly pushed it out of her mind.  She didn't know where it came from or who she was even referring to so there was no use in thinking about it.  At least for now.

 ----------------

 A vampire sat alone in the dark.  It doesn’t matter what time it was or what day.  He sat there most nights with her on the fringes of his mind.  Guilt.  Why did he feel so much guilt at the realization that he saw her as more than a friend – or would have liked to.  He knew well where love got him – every day he hurt a little less from the disaster that was him and the Slayer.  It hurt a little less, but it still hurt.  He wasn’t sure if he could do that to someone again.  Love them.  Redemption was still on his mind and he’d protect her at any cost.  Even if it cost him his own happiness.  He left a note right by the phone and quietly slipped out the door and into the world.

 ------------

 A boy who turned into a man much too soon packed the last of his things.  This was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life, but he knew it was for the best.  He simply couldn’t go through with it anymore, he couldn’t interfere.  They deserved happiness and it wasn’t fair that it was taken away from them every time they found it.  How many times had he twisted their memories and whispered lies into their believing ears?  He’d lost count by now.  Well, not any more.  If they loved each other so much that they somehow always came together then he wasn’t going to stop them.  Never again.  They belonged together, he knew that, he knew it even when he agreed to this.  The guilt roiled around in his stomach – if this was going to turn out right then he’d have to remove himself from the situation.  It was the best decision he’d made in his life – and quite possibly the hardest.

 -----------

 A young girl wandered the streets of a small town.  Young in appearance, but then again looks are always deceiving.  She kept going over and over in her mind the dream she’d had the night before.  None of it made any sense – but then again this was Sunnydale.  The ache in her heart and the emptiness she felt was only felt one other time for one other person.  To miss her best friend the way she missed a lover felt almost wrong.  Almost. 

 She stopped short and looked around.  They were close, four maybe five of them looking for action.  She pulled a wooden stake out of her pocket and was ready for anything they had to offer.  If she hit them a little too hard, played with them before the kill a little too much, well ... she needed this release, need to get rid of the negative energy she felt hanging over her head. 

 One, two three.  They went down like flies.  It was just too easy sometimes, she almost felt bad about how dumb they were.  She let herself get hit a few times, let them take pot shots.  Let them throw her to the ground and punch her in the face.  It wasn’t that it felt good – it never felt good – it was the fact that deep down inside, she knew it was better to feel something, anything, than nothing at all.  At the least this was a familiar feeling, and she could live with it.  Everything else would have to wait.  Every unfamiliar thought and unsure feeling she had would wait till the pain was gone.  Then she’d have to do it again.  After all, it was her job – her destiny.


End file.
